to my dad Options

[Mulder]

this is to my dad:

I hate myself
for loving you.
for hating you
for needing you.
for hoping that you
would learn
that you would care
that you could care
I hate myself
for believing
for trying
for understanding
now I’m nothing
just a vessel
as real as a silk flower
I stand by the sun
pretending
knowing that as the sun
strikes my fake petals
nothing will happen
I can’t go on
pretending
pretending that you care.