Cutting. Options

[Dist0rtion_Withi...]

Cutting is like an addiction like drugs are addiction. You can never stop when you want. I've been cutting/carving for 3 yrs. It feels so good but I can't go on like this. I want to wear short sleeves. Ugh..Also I could go to a mental ward. I'm not going to tell my therapist because she will kill me..What should I do?

[callie828]

Cutting is a very serious epidemic nowadays and it's sad that more people don't understand it. It's just really not ever talked about and so people often don't treat it seriously and they just treat it as an attention-getter or something like that.

To the people who don't understand and think it's ludicrous:: That's not your fault. Honestly, if I wasn't a cutter, I'd probably think the same thing. Like holy sh*t why would anyone do that? Well, I can't speak for any other cutters here, but I can speak for myself. People who cut don't usually actually want to have to cut. They do it because it's the only thing that makes them feel better. Better, not good. When you've been reduced to cutting yourself to kill the monster on the inside, there's very little that feels good. But when I become so emotionally overwhelmed that I feel like I can't possibly take anymore, I cut myself and for whatever reason that is unbeknownst to me, I feel better. Cutters aren't standing around in the kitchen cutting up tomatoes for a salad and saying "Ooo I hope I cut myself because it just feels oh so good..." I only cut when I feel really really low and am scared I'll resort to something worse. Does it hurt? No, not really. Not at the time it doesn't because I'm more focused on the bigger picture. If I can just push past the pain and cut the feelings out of me, I'll feel better. I'll feel relieved. I'll feel calm.

But it is a serious problem because, like a drug, you eventually just need more and more to feel better. I've been cutting for over a year and now I find that the same type of cut as I used to make doesn't offer as much relief as it previously did. And now I need to cut deeper and harder to feel that same sense of relief. And that's where it becomes most dangerous. Because eventually you'll cut too deep and the bleeding won't stop. People who cut (or at least this is the case for myself) aren't trying to kill themselves when they cut. In fact, for me, it's the opposite. I feel like cutting will sometimes stop me from wanting to die.

Anyway, as most people said, the entire point of having a therapist is to tell her things like this. Now I'm not stupid and I won't tell you that everything will be fine if you tell her. In fact, I have known therapists who have handed off cases like yours because they don't want the responsibility of dealing with it. But there are therapists who will help you with it and if yours won't, you need to find one who will. I'm also assuming, since this is the case for me, that your cutting stems from some type of mood or personality disorder associated with depression. Has your doctor tried you on any medication? Some medications can really help to reduce anxiety and depression which are often the major reasons for the feelings that make you want to cut. However, make sure that before any medication is prescribed, you tell your doctor that you're cutting and if you have had any suicidal thoughts, you have to make sure you tell him/her that as well. Some medications can actually increase the risk of suicidal behavior in depressive patients. Not good.

Anyway, best of luck to you. And let's all take it easy on the non-cutters too. It's a really difficult thing to try to ask people to understand.


Callie