Story of a Lonely Pinoy..., a long story... Options

[*Zyryll*]

I have a long story... So if you have the time, this is a series of events that led to where i am now... I need positive serious advice with this if you do decide to read all of this. This entire story is true...

*note each time I say "she" I’m referring to the girl I like

It started 6 years ago... I moved from Maryland to Virginia. Like most kids, they didn't want to move. I was 9 years old at the time. I met up with my friends from Maryland who moved to Virginia too. I started going to their church. I found out my friend's dad was a pastor now. My family then joined their church. The church was called The Filipino-American Community Church. This was where my story began...

I saw this one girl at our church. Only a year younger than me. Although she was still kind of young, she seemed to act like she was 12. We held our services in a cafeteria of a middle school every Sunday morning. There were not that many people in our church. We had chairs arranged 12 by 5. We had a very small congregation.

I saw that girl every single Sunday at our church, but I never spoke to her. Finally there was that day. I talked to her. I liked this girl at first sight but I then began to learn her personality. She seemed to have a very good personality to my standards. She was nice yet when she got angry she looked cute. Well, at least to me... She seemed to have similar likes as me too. Ka-ching Ka-ching! First girl i've met who played video games.

During this time i was a talkitive hyper guy always yelling out random stuff to my friends. I was liteally bouncing off the walls of the cafeteria at times... (more like jumping off of actually). Anyway, They came to our church every single Sunday, so i got to see her every week.

<<<2 years later>>>

One Friday night we had a Bible Study at her house. My family stayed 2 hours longer then the other families that were there. Her and me were playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64 they had. She was helping me play it because I didn't own the game. I was playing the final boss, Ganon. She saw that i was about to die so... she helped me at this point. w00t! we kept exchanging controllers! that was awsome!

After Zelda we played some 4 player Bomberman with her friends. Ahhhhh that was so fun! She kept telling me the stuff to get on the screen that kind of blowed me up, poisoned me, stunned... whatever bad items you pick up in the game. I lost a few times. I guess i was happy to to lose... I didn't feel like leaving her house when it was time to go around 3:30am.

<<<1 year later>>>

It was the 4th of July. We went to this picnic place to watch fireworks. This was another church event so I saw her again. I was getting somewhat shy as the weeks went by. I was losing friends at school because they were moving...

When she arrived, I noticed her right away. She brought a friend with her. While her parents were setting up a grill to cook some food, she and her friend went to the playground where me and my friends were hanging out. We kind of ignored them. (not literally) Whenever me and my friends wanted to go back to the picnic area, they seemed to follow us back. This also occured vise versa. When they were going back to the picnic area, some of my friends followed me there... Later, when it was nighttime, the fireworks went off. Me and my friends had wondered off to play around so, we lost where our parents were sitting to watch the fireworks. Eventually I saw my mom waving at us on top of a hill. We climbed the hill and sat down with me noticing that she was sitting right behind me... I was very nervous at this point.

After the fireworks ended, we went back to the picnic area. There, me and my friends shook soda cans and exploded them on the ground. She and her friend were walking by and they got caught in a soda explosion. They got kind of angry, but in a good way. From a past camping trip, she remembered that one of my friends liked scaring her with frogs. We saw a nearby frog, and my friend picked it up and pretended to toss it at them. My younger brother then picked it up and... He killed the frog. She (by the way I have been referring to the girl I like has she throughout the story if you still haven't noticed) she was like "awwwww, why did you kill it?” From there, it was time to go...

<<<2 weeks later>>>

It was our annual church camping trip. It was mid-July and it was hot. We went to the camping grounds in Haymarket. It was the Mountain View Campgrounds. We usually stayed at the camping trip for 2 nights and 3 days. We did so this year. After the first day which just had setup of tents and fishing, the second day she came. She looked soooooo pretty and cute in her little outfit. She was wearing a tank top. Me and my friends later that day after lunch went to swim at the lake. A few minutes after I got in, she came with my mom and her mom. She came into the water and me and my friends started throwing mud at each other. She joined in on this "fight" and she got me in the face. I felt at this point, kind of happy, excited, and confused but it was all good at the time. She laughed at me in a good way. The rest of my friends did the same. I laughed with them and we continued until a parent told us to stop.

That night we roasted marshmallows like any other stereotypical camping trip. She sat a few chairs away from me around the fire. I saw the reflection of the fire in her eyes. It gleamed sooooo... I can't explain it... It was about time to go to bed, Her and her family didn't decide to sleep a night so they left and came back the next day. This day, we played games. We had to throw balloons to each other from a certain distance without them popping. She played with a younger girl. I played with my friend this game. I lost and popped the balloon, so did she. We had a water gun fight. That was fun to the last drop. The rest of that day me and my friends were fishing. She stayed back at the camp with the younger girls.

<<<the next day>>>

It was the last day of the camping trip. I heard my friend was to stay an extra night camping. I asked my dad if I could stay longer because of course, she was going to stay until late night. Around 3pm. My dad changed his mind, and from there I was to go to Maryland to stay with my real dad. (my parents are divorced and my mom re-married). So I left for Maryland. Imagine how I would be feeling at this point when I was not to see her all summer and my dad changed his mind at the last second...

<<<early September of that same year>>>

I came back from my summer vacation from Maryland. I had church the first week of September. I was very excited of the thought of seeing her again. But when I arrived at the church, she wasn't there and they never arrived... I thought that if they were just busy today or something. So I waited until the next Sunday. She didn't come nor her family. This went on...

<<<2nd weekend of December of that same year>>>

It was our annual church Christmas party. I was always excited of these. The day before this party her mom called my house saying that they were coming. I wondered why they specifically called our house... I sat with my friends in the front of big room the day of the party. I actually have a picture of the room here:

Well, I sat in the front. With my friends. It was about half way through the party until she came. She was wearing a red sweater with long black formal pants... It had been all summer since I saw her last, and to see her after 6 months i felt really... yeah... I was extremely shy. I couldn't even walk by her without hesitating... from now you should know that I’ve changed and I’m more shy than I was when I was younger... So there I saw her but verbally ignored her... the xmas party ended with memories of her watching me and my friends play musical chairs and me being tossed around... he.he...

(from now in the story, you see me as a shy pinoy boy who had lost his talkative ways. I’ve ha a crush on this girl for a long time. also, she and her family stopped going to our church for an unknown reason... i never asked...)

<<<mid-January of 2003>>>

well, I know I might never see her again until the next xmas party... and never even talk to her either maybe ever... but... one day my dad finally got cable internet setup and what to happen??? I got an email from her... in it she talked about the xmas party and how I didn’t talk to her and stuff I replied saying the same.

now... you see the story going in another direction... this is the mark of the end of my young pinoy boyhood. the email she sent me.

from there in the reply to that email she asked if I had AIM. I didn't soo I did a google which led me to the AIM homepage where I got a screen me and AIM. I didn't know her screen name though. in the last email she sent me she told me what it was. when I first signed on, she was on so I IMed her from there... we had fun conversations. Then, the month of May then seemed to have come by.

<<<weekend of before mother's day 2004... prelude to my first sure fate>>>

ok.. it was May 16th... a Sunday. right after church ended. she IMed me when I got home. she asked me if I was going to be busy next weekend. I was curious. I asked why, and she went "I’m just wondering." the rest of the conversation the subject was changed... the next day she asked me again and I said I don't know. On Tuesday, she asked me again and this time she told me why... she wanted to invite me to her school dance... I told her that my dad was having a performance. which is true. the dance was going to be Saturday, the same day and same starting time as the dance... wow? perfect timing huh? I wanted to go so bad but remember how shy I've gotten... I couldn't ask my mom if I could go... (don’t worry something will happen later in the story). Well it was Wednesday, she asked me again if I asked my mom, and I said I didn’t ask yet and she went," ASK HERRRRRRR!!!!". she sounded very persistent. she didn’t sign on Thursday and Friday. but Saturday morning (the day of the dance) I woke up early. to my surprise she signed on early too. around 7am. she asked yet again. she persuaded me until 9am, when she went away. before she get away she said "oh well, if you wont ask your mom, you cant come." So I finally decided to ask, but what to happen? my mom had to work an extra day today for work. she left before I woke up actually. my dad was gone to practice before his performance. So, I was screwed...

(note: I was wayy to shy for my own good. it was destroying me and prevent me from seeing her, for I never see anymore. but... I liked as you can tell so far in the story. I didn't think of the vise versa at the time because I was too infatuated...)

well... now what to do. none of my parents are home... they're both BUSY. I finally decided to ask too... well.. guess what to happen? my mom came home EARLY!!!

(note: my dad's concert was to start at 7pm, and the dance too. now let me clear up a few things, she asked me it come to her dance, what she meant by that was she wanted me to come to her house first then her parents drive us there.)

well my mom came home early. but guess what? I got shy... I didn't ask my mom... (I never told her I eve liked anyone). well, it was 12 noon. I was IMing some of her friends to contact her because she signed off. I wanted to tell her to ask my mom for me because I couldn't. the person was talking too who was a friend of hers couldn't contact her by phone so... I was double screwed at this point... from here... this part, it's engraved in my mind how the heck this happened...

my mom came home early, I still wanted t go to the dance yet I couldn't ask my mom... such a simple task. she couldn't call my house and ask my mom... she wasn't available...

at my house no one was home cept me and my mom, my younger brother at his baseball game, and my youngest brother too at a game. my mom decided to take a nap in my room because her room was too cold. the sunlight shines in my room.

she signed on again. the girl I wanted to go to. she IMed me the second she saw my screen name on her buddy list. she asked if I asked my mother if I could go.. sadly I said to her I didn't and from there she gave by the sound of things. she said "ohhh well.....". (now I guess you readers hate me at this point.) well... guess what? you know how I said my mom was "sleeping" in my room? well she wasn't really sleeping, she was reading the conversation behind my back... (my bed is directly behind my computer). my mom knows... a miracle huh? so I finally let my mom talk to "her". my mom called her mom and I was allowed to go. she also invited my younger brother which had to still be picked up from baseball.

<<<The Empty Fun of Silence...>>> (sometimes I’ll be giving the part of my story "chapter-like" names now.)

whoa... I can't believe I was actually going to a dance. this is the first one ever I’m going to be going to. a girl I like no less invited me to it... but that didn't mean I did anything... the next part of the story I’ll just say her real name cause it getting myself confused. The girl's name I like is diane.

so, while my mom went out to pick up my brother I got ready. I had no idea what the crap to wear... I eventually chose jeans and a polo shirt... my mom had to approve them. when my brother got home he got ready and we left...

I arrived at diane's house. it's been years since I’ve last been there. it brought back memories just looking at the house... well I rang the doorbell and diane's mom opened the door and greeted me, my mom, and my bro a Filipino welcome. diane also invited her friend michie to the dance. so, practically it was the same two girls from the 4th of July fireworks event a year ago... anyway, they were still getting ready upstairs while I sat downstairs in the living room with my brother. I was extremely nervous at this point...

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. and guess who it was... it was her, the girl I like, diane... I thought she looked more beautiful then she was back then... she said hi to me and my bro. I said "hi" in a happy, somewhat nervous way, while my brother said it very quietly. anyway, like all Filipino moms, diane's mom offered me and my bro food but me and my bro declined. I was too nervous to eat. my bro actually, didn't seem to want to go to this... so, we finally left around 6pm and arrived at the dance place 15 minutes later. well... this part you'll hate me for as well... I didn't talk to her on the way there, at the dance (barely), and on the way home. but anywayz here's what I did do at the dance... I played basketball with my bro (kinda ignored her. I was shy). I also tried eating some pizza. could eat then either... so you can say me and my bro bombed this dance... well I left... the time we had to leave I actually attempted to dance, for I didn't know how to dance to anything cept da Macarena but that’s a different story...

<<<after the dance... and to sleep>>>

guess what? my parents couldn't pick me and my bro back up from diane's house that night... so we slept overrrrr!!! whoa... this is the first time I slept over a girl I liked house. it felt different but anyway when we arrived at her house we had dinner. whoa, at my house we weren't allowed to eat this late. hehe, she gets more freedoms then me. well, diane's mom told her and her friend to make our bed on the floor. whoa... well, I fell asleep at 2:23am...

<<<another sad Sunday morning...>>>

well, I woke up kind of early that morning in her house. I just wandered around. the sight of every object I saw brought back memories to me... when diane's mom came outta her room, she called one of her her neighbors who went to our church to bring us back. so, around 9am I left for church with my brother... I felt extremely disappointed... I failed to talk to her... the girl that I like... more than anyone else... I left her house wondering why... the only thing I could of been proud of was saying hi, and bye to her at east. but to me that didn't cut it...

from this day... this Sunday... was the last time I’ve ever seen her...

(from here, you see that I’m too shy for my own good and it over powers me too much...)

<<<AIM conversations everyday>>>

well I IMed ever everyday ever since. I was able to talk to her through IM much easier than face to face. one day her friend michie IMed me telling me that I was “wayy too shy...” anyway, it was true I was shy. after hearing that, I thought to myself. if I was ever gonna be able to talk to diane face to face, I would have to end my shyness... so day by day I did. in school I started talking to more people and started looking at peoples eyes when they were talking to me. (yeah... kinda sad, how I was.)

it was November, I began writing stuff in my profile about my feelings about her. the comments were mild, nothing too strong like I love you, just I miss you kinda stuff. well... as you think so... my shyness was falling. at this point in November it turns out to be a good thing.

<<<a December wind blew...>>> (my downfall) (by the way if you didn’t notice, this is December 2004)

this month holds the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. what have you assumed the feeling of this girl is for me? well read this final chapter...

as you remembered in a earlier event. we had an annual curch Christmas Party. I was hoping she was going to be coming again this year but it turned out no... at the Christmas Party... They showed slides of past events our church had. they kept showing pics of her and her mom. uhhhh. i couldn't eat... she wasn't coming and her face was in the projector screen... this was the worst chuch Christmas Party i've been to. I was looking forward for her to come...

It was a week before Christmas. this was the last time I’ve ever IMed her because she was going to go to the Philippines soon and she just currently moved to a new house with no internet. well, I was going to go to Maryland for winter vacation. (I'm here right now). well, 2 days before she was to leave for the Philippines. since there was no way to contact her besides phone, i called her. but she wasn't there. i left a message wishing her a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and a good trip.

so... now... Christmas Eve. The day I made my worst mistake...

<<<Where I stand now...>>>

I was reading old AIM conversations me and her had. I was kinda of bored the night before cause not many people for online to talk to. So, while I was reading the old conversations, I quoted every good word(s) she said to me and I put them in my buddy profile... I went away because I was going to a Christmas Eve Party. When I returned... diane's friend michie left a few a messages for me...

<<<The hour of extreme melancholy>>>

here's exactly what she said quote: "why do you have quotes of all the things diane says? seriously, that's not even cool. it's really effing creepy. I mean if you love her and all.. keep that to yourself? you guys haven't even talked it over, seriously dude. take a hint, she doesn't like you. get over it. stop putting your shit out there. it's not even funny anymore, like we can't even laugh about it. it's just. scary. so stop? kay? just.. STOP." end quote...

each time I read that I feel like crap... my mistake. I see why that would scare her now, but I didn't before... you can say I lost too much of my shyness and finally went overboard with showing her my feelings... so... yeah.. that's where I am now... The girl I like is in the Philippines not coming back anytime soon. So I can't contact her. and my Christmas was destroyed with those words... I got so many presents I wanted on Christmas Day but... I stayed depressed and melancholy...

2 days after Christmas Day... I've been asking advice the past few days what to do. I don't want to lose her. and now, I’m fully aware of what I did wrong. things like quoting the hundreds of nice things she said to me can scare her.

well... that's where I am now... I thanks for reading this. I could of got more in depth on some parts but that's about it. if you wanna hear more AIM me.

now, I need some positive advice... as you can see I absolutely LIKE this girl. she "might" of liked me at some point too. i think she liked talking to me while I was still a mysterious, shy, and quiet pinoy...

this story is still un-finished... for this is very recent.
... ... ...

well thanks again. Leave any comments you have on this.

[*Azarel*]

her in december:
me: hi
diane: hello. (she used a period... that's... )

Oh my god. I use periods too. I should totally go out with her!

.. no really.