another one Options

[Ekay]

In my life
Throughout all the strife
You've been there for me whenever I was down
You were always able to make me smile when I had a frown
No matter what happens or what someone says
You were always there to brighten up my days
All I want from you is to stay by my side, showing me sunshine
It's times like these that I'm glad that your smile is so benign
It's times like these that I should tell you that you're forever in my heart
I wish that we didn't have to be apart...
I don't want to say good-bye whenever I'm with you
This ain't a pick-up line; whatever you hear from me is true


WHEEEEEEEE!! *sigh* I'm reinspired..just thought I'd say this.

[sikdragon]

two syllables, rewrite. I hate to sound like simon here, but it needs more. Yeah it could be a pick-up line. but if you're like me, you'll appreciate brutal honesty.

from 1-10 I give it a 2

To me it looks like rhyming couplets, but it doesnt sound like rhyming couplets. you repeated that one line and i thought that might've been a tad unnecassary. Where were you going with this? be creative with your rhyme but dont let the rhyme control the poem, use the emotion to convey the message. If you're happy then w/e, but if your serious invest more time into it.