i've been feeling so depressed lately. Options

[babyxsmilez]

me & my boyfriend, kt broke up a 3 weeks ago because i needed to figure out my feelings for this other kid, nam. so i basically dated him for a bit & one day.. i was really really really really mad at kt because he was my date for the winter formal but at the formal, he never danced with me ONCE & grinded with erica for 6 straight songs.. then he'd see me for 2-4 minutes then leave for 20 minutes to go talk to his friends. i was hurt so much.. i told him my feelings that night on the phone but he said "well, you should have told me then" & didn't admit that it was his fault. i turned to nam & he made me all happy. so nam came over the next day & we sat on my bed [no groping -_-]. one thing lead to another.. & nam put his hand into my pants & he fingered me. -_- i allowed it.. i thought about kt & his feelings & my feelings.. so after a minute, i told him to stop bcuz i said i still love kt & that i felt incredibly guilty. he understood. so the two of us said that we'd make it seem like it never happened..

a few days later, me & kt made up & i was starting to feel like i was falling deeper in love with him & less feelings for nam. i realized nam was just an infatuation & a substitute when kt wasn't there.. & even tho nam & i had so much in common [incredibly freaky amount of things in common].. there was no feeling like there was between me & kt. but then.. he asked me a question after finding out that i hung out with nam after the formal. "what have you done with him?" he was getting mad.. bcuz he knew that i had done SOMETHING with him. i told him the truth.. he said that he wanted me to be honest in this relationship.. & well.. i was. *sigh* i feel so stupid.. for telling him.. now he can't stand to even LOOK at me. he says.. after that night that i told him, he lost all romantic feelings for me which sucks.. i gave him so much of me.. all of my time.. some of my money [i gave him gifts.. while i got ZIP from him].. i friggen gave him my virginity too! when i was with him, i had the most happiest moments.. now when i see him in the halls & my heart just starts to pound & my eyes start to water a little.. i love him a lot [even if i'm too young to say it.. it's just the way i feel].. my mind is just going "just look me in the eyes.. just once." sucks even more when i was making friends with his friends.. now i can't talk to them at all.

he told me that i was the first girl i ever loved.. he told me when i was making my decision that he loved me deeply & waited so long for me.. he told me that i was the only one that could make him happy [which i believe because all of his friends said the same thing].. damnit. i ruined my relationship with him.. he'll never forgive me & he'll hate me forever [HE HAS HELD A GRUDGE AGAINST THIS GIRL SINCE THE 3RD GRADE BCUZ SHE GOT BETTER GRADES THAN HIM. that means he held it for 8 years.. -_-]

sigh. should i go to nam? try to forget about kt? or be ms. positive, be happy for him & see what happens next?

[babyxsmilez]

1. no offence, but uh, yeah, ur a whore. u let a dude finger u and u did ur boyfriend. where have all the ethics gone i wonder..

2. u don't deserve either one cause obviously u have no damn idea what the hell love is. if ur busy trying to "figure it out". if u seriously are in love with kt, u wouldn't be asking this damn question.

3. kt doesn't sound sympathetic enough. he doesn't seem to listen and think about ur feelings enough. nam shouldn't have fingered u because, well, he shouldn't have fingered u. i mean, who the hell in their right mind would do that? *shakes head* pick better friends.

4. if ur still confused, definitely talk it over with kt.

5. all in all, break up with kt, tell nam to eff off, and become single, so u can continue to stare at dudes while drooling without a guilty conscience.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE DEFINITION OF WHORE?

DUDE. did you even READ my thread? me & KT were single when this stuff happened. so i got together with NAM. ME & HIM WERE TOGETHER WHEN HE DID SOMETHING TO ME. then after the whole incident, i broke it off with NAM & figured that i loved KT. MAYBE IT ISN'T "LOVE" BUT IT'S STRONGER THAN JUST "LIKE". it's not like i plan on MARRYING any of them, man. i'm young & i obviously know that. i just felt sad so i posted up here.. i'm sorry if that OFFENDS YOU.

thanks SupraS15 for the advice =] now can you close threads on createblog?