i've been feeling so depressed lately. Options

[babyxsmilez]

me & my boyfriend, kt broke up a 3 weeks ago because i needed to figure out my feelings for this other kid, nam. so i basically dated him for a bit & one day.. i was really really really really mad at kt because he was my date for the winter formal but at the formal, he never danced with me ONCE & grinded with erica for 6 straight songs.. then he'd see me for 2-4 minutes then leave for 20 minutes to go talk to his friends. i was hurt so much.. i told him my feelings that night on the phone but he said "well, you should have told me then" & didn't admit that it was his fault. i turned to nam & he made me all happy. so nam came over the next day & we sat on my bed [no groping -_-]. one thing lead to another.. & nam put his hand into my pants & he fingered me. -_- i allowed it.. i thought about kt & his feelings & my feelings.. so after a minute, i told him to stop bcuz i said i still love kt & that i felt incredibly guilty. he understood. so the two of us said that we'd make it seem like it never happened..

a few days later, me & kt made up & i was starting to feel like i was falling deeper in love with him & less feelings for nam. i realized nam was just an infatuation & a substitute when kt wasn't there.. & even tho nam & i had so much in common [incredibly freaky amount of things in common].. there was no feeling like there was between me & kt. but then.. he asked me a question after finding out that i hung out with nam after the formal. "what have you done with him?" he was getting mad.. bcuz he knew that i had done SOMETHING with him. i told him the truth.. he said that he wanted me to be honest in this relationship.. & well.. i was. *sigh* i feel so stupid.. for telling him.. now he can't stand to even LOOK at me. he says.. after that night that i told him, he lost all romantic feelings for me which sucks.. i gave him so much of me.. all of my time.. some of my money [i gave him gifts.. while i got ZIP from him].. i friggen gave him my virginity too! when i was with him, i had the most happiest moments.. now when i see him in the halls & my heart just starts to pound & my eyes start to water a little.. i love him a lot [even if i'm too young to say it.. it's just the way i feel].. my mind is just going "just look me in the eyes.. just once." sucks even more when i was making friends with his friends.. now i can't talk to them at all.

he told me that i was the first girl i ever loved.. he told me when i was making my decision that he loved me deeply & waited so long for me.. he told me that i was the only one that could make him happy [which i believe because all of his friends said the same thing].. damnit. i ruined my relationship with him.. he'll never forgive me & he'll hate me forever [HE HAS HELD A GRUDGE AGAINST THIS GIRL SINCE THE 3RD GRADE BCUZ SHE GOT BETTER GRADES THAN HIM. that means he held it for 8 years.. -_-]

sigh. should i go to nam? try to forget about kt? or be ms. positive, be happy for him & see what happens next?

[SupraS15]

Ok... here is what I think...

First... if you broke up with him he's prob gonna do something to get you back (if he really didnt want to break up). So the grinding with the other chick thing is understandable. Actually... if you broke it off... then everything he does is gonna be something that kinda pisses you off... that's how it was with my gf.

Ok, at first you may think that you have made a big mistake... but trust me... you will get over it if you try to. Don't stay stuck on this thing and think about it the whole time... I did that and it just sucks. At first my friends were telling me to move and forget about it (and rub in the fact that I kinda did it to myself -__-U)and at first, I was like no... I can't forget about it. But now... after some time has passed it's been a lot easier. And also because my ex was being a freakin b-och to me so that made it easier too. If KT is being a jerk to you then just say screw him and move on. That should make it easier. Sure he can say all of that crap like, "Oh I loved you and blah blah." Uh... if he still felt like that then he would try to work things out with you again and he would definitely forgive you for whatever. If he doesnt really give you any sign that he still feels for you... then you should just move on... esp. if he is being a jerk to you. Don't worry... after you realize that there are many more choices out there... life will be much better.

Oh yeah... about Nam... uh... I say screw him cuz if he really cared about you and respected you... I dont think he would try to finger you or put any of those moves on you that quick. Maybe he just thought you were kinda vulnerable and could take advantage of you? =/

K, so you gave him so much of you... so did I in my relationship... but y'know... just take that and say, hey, I really loved his guy and am happy for what happened during our relationship and I gained a lot out of it... but things didnt really work out.

Bottom line... screw both guys (not literally... haha) and just go out there and look around... there is someone better. (Just look at any flaws kt had and then look for someone else that doesnt have them and just "upgrade" on them...) kk, that's all I have to say... sorry it's so long... just that i feel like i've kinda been in that situation before... ^^