Untitled poem I wrote, please comment |
 Nov 27 2004, 02:06 PM
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Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 63 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 63,401  |
I try to tell you I am sorry
But you do not care I try to tell you that I am different Not really that way But you are too busy telling me What a horrible person I am You compare me to her As if that is possible And continue to tear me down Then the next minute You tell me you care for me So much, it's so real But then you swear, then you yell And I feel like I have finally seen hell You strangle me, you slit my throat With the words you use, to show how you hate me I am dying, you are killing me And I am pretty sure You don't even care This is to my ex-boyfriend. The "her" in this poem is my ex-best friend, who was the girl that he cheated on me, with. If that makes sense. So yeah leave comments please. Thanks. |
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Nov 27 2004, 02:29 PM
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#2
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 hi, my name is brianna! =] Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114 |
I think it's good. =)
Maybe you should try rhyming it a bit more, since you rhyme some lines but don't rhyme many of the others. I think it could be a powerful poem, it's just missing something. ><;; |
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Posts in this topic
oO_BrItTiShBaBe_Oo Untitled poem I wrote Nov 27 2004, 02:06 PM
fairy_princess Wow, i really really like that, partly because i c... Nov 27 2004, 02:45 PM
sikdragon Not to sound harsh, but try rewriting it a few mor... Nov 27 2004, 05:53 PM |
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