so freaking pissed off, stupid best friend Options

[yummy_delight]

i think this topic belongs here. relationships includes friends right? this is a really REALLY long rant.

my best friend and i were walking to class like we always do when she looked around and said "you know what? a lot of asians go to this school." i said "yeah i know" because it's true (about half of our school population is asian) and, at that particular moment, she was one of the only white people we saw. THEN she said to me "sometimes i wish i were surrounded by white people." i thought that was kind of weird because i'm her best friend and I'M asian but i shrugged it off. she then continued with "there's just too many asians here. we need more white people." i took that personally but i didn't want to argue with her or make a big scene so i just hinted that what she said wasn't exactly something that one would want to share with her asian best friend. then she said "oh well, i guess i'm racist then," and started laughing. SO not funny, but i kept my mouth shut. a few seconds later i walked past my other friend Lupe, who is Mexican but she has really light skin. my best friend looked at her and when she passed from our sight, she said "maybe i should hang out with Lupe more often. she's white." i looked at her like she was stupid and said "um NO. she's MEXICAN. hence the name LUPE." and she replied "well her SKIN is. and that's what matters."

okay. WTF?!?! i can NOT believe that she said that! I, an asian girl, have been her best friend for 4 years. and suddenly she just comes out and says one of the most racist thing i've ever heard anyone say. so she would rather hang out with someone that was white than hang out with me? after she said that, i yelled "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?" at her and walked away. later that day, she left a message on my cell phone saying "you know. it was just a JOKE. i don't know why you took such offense to it. i'm sorry you feel that way. if you want to talk tomorrow, i'll hear you out. go ahead and talk to me... but if you don't i don't care." And she said ALL this like I'M the one who acted like the bitch or did something wrong. like she's doing ME a favor calling me up.

i got so angry that i cried after i heard the message. i've never felt so betrayed in my life. she made a racist comment that applied to me and my friend and she can't even say she's sorry? even if i WERE overreacting, which i KNOW i'm not, a GOOD friend would apologize. "i'm sorry i said that" is an apology. "i'm sorry YOU feel that way" is NOT. it basically says "the way you feel about my statement is wrong and stupid. i'm sorry that you're stupid." i know that if i ever said something to offend anyone, unintentionally or not, i would definitely apologize right away. but NO. she decides to make me feel like an brown asian piece of crap because she hurt my feelings. i'm just confused and angry and hearbroken at the same time...

sorry if this took up too much of your time. i just really needed to vent all this out.

[Oreo_bro]

hmmm

im sorry but your at much as fault as your friend.

Me and my best friend for 8 years joke a lot. He is native and i am black/white. We always crack on each other but we KNOW when the limit is reached, something we learned back when we were littler.

she looked around and said "you know what? a lot of asians go to this school." i said "yeah i know" because it's true (about half of our school population is asian) and, at that particular moment, she was one of the only white people we saw.

first thign right there, you agreed with her. So she was speaking truthfully.

THEN she said to me "sometimes i wish i were surrounded by white people." i thought that was kind of weird because i'm her best friend and I'M asian but i shrugged it off. she then continued

Okay, that sounds like the beging of a joke to me. Its how me and my buddys start our jokes out. and you shruged it off, althought it was weird.

"there's just too many asians here. we need more white people." i took that personally but i didn't want to argue with her or make a big scene so i just hinted that what she said wasn't exactly something that one would want to share with her asian best friend. then she said "oh well, i guess i'm racist then," and started laughing. SO not funny, but i kept my mouth shut.

That is definitly a joke at the begining. You didnt argue with her but you did say that it wasnt exactly some she should share with you. BUT you didnt argue the point when she continued. The main fault right there is 2 sided. You didnt tell her please do not joke i took that too offence *i do it with my friend if he goes to far and he stops*, and 2, she did continue and then she said she was racist, but she laughed and it was defintily in a joking manner. You shouldnt have kept your mouth shut.

a few seconds later i walked past my other friend Lupe, who is Mexican but she has really light skin. my best friend looked at her and when she passed from our sight, she said "maybe i should hang out with Lupe more often. she's white." i looked at her like she was stupid and said "um NO. she's MEXICAN. hence the name LUPE." and she replied "well her SKIN is. and that's what matters."

Yeah that was wrong on her part it really was, i would have been more firm and told her then to stop but what ever.

okay. WTF?!?! i can NOT believe that she said that! I, an asian girl, have been her best friend for 4 years. and suddenly she just comes out and says one of the most racist thing i've ever heard anyone say. so she would rather hang out with someone that was white than hang out with me? after she said that, i yelled "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?" at her and walked away.

Okay, so after she was making jokes, after you didnt stop her and tell her she shouldnt *telling her that she shouldnt say things like that to her friend doesnt realy count* then letting it continue, and then yelling at her and walking off is just plain wrong.

You had plenty and i do mean plenty of times to tell her to stop, that she was really offending you, not just in a friendship way, but in a racial way. Although she did start it she did it in a joking manner and she even said that later, you took it way to seriously by yelling at her, no matter how much she offended u you did NOT talk to her about how it was making you feel, u simply said she "shouldnt say that to a friend". What did you expect really? You didnt stop her, so you think she could just read your mind? No even friends need to be told once in a while.

You BOTH owe each other an appology, you for yelling at her and her for the comments. You both need to talk about what happend and you need to explain to her how it made you feel and ask her to please not to joke about things like that.

Shes your best friend, if you make it firm she will understand, if not, good luck.