Love., [poem] |
 Oct 24 2004, 08:47 PM
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#1
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 hi, my name is brianna! =]  Group: Official Member Posts: 5,764 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,114  |
Why did our love have to be broken up?
You had given me your heart, As a token of our love But one day, You took it back, And broke it apart I treated you like a sack of gold, I treasured you with all that my heart could hold But all you returned to me with was pain, Nothing but pure pain to make me cry in vain When I stared into your baby blue eyes, I wanted to fly away from you, Get as far away as I possibly could, You were that person who hurt me, So deeply that the cut could never be healed You can never understand my love for you, You put that dirty sensation in my heart 'Cuz all you wanted was to tear us apart. Positive and negative feedback is greatly appreciated. 
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Oct 28 2004, 03:28 PM
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#2
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
It's a nice, simple poem.
One of those poems that make you go, 'Awww', I guess. Tad iffy about this line though... QUOTE But all you returned to me with was pain, Might be an overuse of the word 'pain' that makes the following rhyme awkward? Not sure though.
Nothing but pure pain to make me cry in vain |
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Posts in this topic
sweetxsimplicity Love. Oct 24 2004, 08:47 PM
dispn0ygonekrazy OMG !! i like this poem reminds me of my o... Oct 24 2004, 09:14 PM sweetxsimplicity QUOTE(dispn0ygonekrazy @ Oct 24 2004, 6:14 PM... Oct 26 2004, 10:00 PM Cloud_X QUOTE(sweetxsimplicity @ Oct 24 2004, 8:47 PM... Oct 27 2004, 12:36 AM rainnydaiis Hehe just like Mike said reminds me of my old poem... Oct 27 2004, 01:15 PM someflipguy Man most of my poems are like this....i need to po... Oct 28 2004, 07:50 AM
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