Stand in the rain Options

[TheSilenceInDict...]

I was going to post this as a Createblog Diary entry, but it snowballed into what's before you, so I guess I'll post it up here instead. It's raining here in LA (we've recently invited a storm) and with depression slowing my pace to the front gate of my house only 15 minutes ago , I stood in the rain, and enjoyed what would soon become the inspiration for this.
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Stand in the Rain

I will stand in the rain

Face up,
Eyes closed,
Welcoming arms,
Solemn smile on my face,
Hoping it will wash all of it away.

Numb from pain, only the slow falling droplets and trickling down my face remind me that I am here.
Unknowing to whether or not the streams rolling down my cheeks are tears from the sky or from the heart, I flood myself.
Wet earth and asphalt fill the air as remorse and bewilderment fill my vulnerable body.

I will stand in the rain,
Victim to a thousand bullets from the merciless clouds,
Hero to a battle meant to be lost.

[Heathasm]

I knew it would.
That is exactly why I said what I said.
P.S. - I'm watching you.
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you're quite scary

Wet earth and asphalt fill the air as remorse and bewilderment fill my vulnerable body.

I should've worded it better.

i have this problem ALOT when i write. The repetition of words......*shudders*
Its one of the worst and easiest things to do, lol

my sugestion for this is that you just use a different word that means the same thing as "fill"...or similar, such as "engulf"...and some times descriptions can be over used...as "vulnerable body" on the end of this line sounds a bit odd..maybe you could take out "vulnerable", and i think it would sound alot better, too