Alone Options

[TheSilenceInDict...]

This is a selection from a collection of stories I had to do for an English class.
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Alone

Everyone has a big fear or two, maybe even more. I absolutely despised mine. For some reason, being alone bothered me. It's pretty ironic, seeing as to how I can be pretty independent. But the idea of just being alone struck me with inexplicable fear. I would picture myself in some dark, desolate room, with my screams and cries failing to break through the invisible walls. The idea and feeling of being alone was just as I would picture it. My needs, my pleas, screams, opinions, emotions translated into words burning off into a universe of neglected nothingness. The world, everyone in it with their backs turned to me, ignoring me, ridiculing me, isolating me. Sometimes I would feel isolated from myself. A frustrating neutrality of self-awareness, living in my mind with a stranger.

I think back and remember being about ten years old. Those cruel, empty Saturday afternoons that often dragged in gloomy clouds burnt with red demise. The yearning for a brother, a sister - hell, anyone lingering inside, and would continue on even until my teenage years. I would be in my room, trapped with nothing to do. Just sitting, allowing time to slowly pass by. And then it would happen. Nothing in particular really triggers it. A lonely sensation at first, it would then grow into something so overwhelming, so painful. Even now it is hard to describe exactly how it felt. It was horrible. A ten year old me, curled up in his bed, crying...washed over by loneliness. I would always pray for a brother or sister, hoping to rid me of those aching Saturday afternoons.

I've learned to overcome that unwanted random feeling. I guess I just grew out of it. Maybe it stopped when I accepted the absence of any siblings, and began to appreciate other companions I would find in friends. I'm still not sure. The feeling sometimes comes back.

[xquizit]

This one really touched me particularly because I can relate to it. Not only have I dealt with this "unwanted random feeling" during my childhood, but I still feel it yesterday, today, and probably will tomorrow. Everyday I am struck with that feeling that you just described, but I think I've just gotten used to it. Sad but true I guess.