Actors |
 Oct 12 2004, 06:17 PM
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#1
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 aiko Nakamura at your service  Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144  |
hm seems pretty incomplete to me. what do you think?
They walk down the streets smiling, laughing, crying but they are blind blind to what is real, only seeing the masks that they wear hiding from life itself as they conceal themselves they find themselves trapped trapped in a fantasy, a dreamworld creating a person they cannot be longing for another who can be; not an actor but a true person. |
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Oct 12 2004, 06:42 PM
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#2
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
It's good just how it is.
I don't feel like it's incomplete, but you can keep going. BTW, it's your poem and I respect that, but I don't think you need the line QUOTE having emotions 'Smiling, laughing, crying' already speaks for itself, and makes that line repetitive. That's just my opinion, but what do I know? 
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Posts in this topic
dreamerOi Actors Oct 12 2004, 06:17 PM
omg_melface sounds like something that i would write.
nice. Oct 12 2004, 07:06 PM dreamerOi QUOTE(omg_melface @ Oct 12 2004, 7:06 PM)soun... Oct 12 2004, 07:13 PM
JasonAkAWolf QUOTE(dreamerOi @ Oct 12 2004, 7:13 PM)haha c... Oct 14 2004, 12:34 PM |
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