The Cycle, first poem to be put in cb |
 Oct 12 2004, 01:03 AM
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 aiko Nakamura at your service  Group: Member Posts: 1,518 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 18,144  |
lost all my old poems so i made a poem from past stuffs or whatever. oh yea sorry its pretty long.
Sitting in front of a computer, acting like a normal child falling in& out of love losing and gaining trust people misunderstanding, with confusion built up she picks it up; a chill pierces her body hesitation provokes her like a puzzle she wonders will this end it? the first cut; screams not with pain but with angst second cut; pain from a person she may never see the third, fourth, and fifth; says her goodbyes the sixth; feels like the end her body, face, flesh drowned out fear finally strikes her with muscles feeling torn a tear rolls down; legs lost strength, she hits the floor the sirens ring as she sees black opening her eyes feeling relieved sees white with a black figure approaching her the only person she could've lived for; realizing this wasn't her time believes in God and starts her cycle as the normal child again. |
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Oct 12 2004, 02:03 PM
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
I really like the pace in the first half...I just wish that it didn't slow down in the second.
I guess it's my taste...I like poems that escalate and just go nuts in the end. Anyway, great first post. Hope to see more of your work. -Joe |
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Posts in this topic
dreamerOi The Cycle Oct 12 2004, 01:03 AM
Cloud_X Wow...that was interesting. I like it, but it... Oct 12 2004, 01:07 AM dreamerOi haha i dont like blood much either haha just blahh... Oct 12 2004, 01:08 AM JasonAkAWolf blood yum oh yeah since you forced me to look at t... Oct 12 2004, 01:40 AM dispn0ygonekrazy nice job..GORE!!!! haha j/p yeah u... Oct 12 2004, 08:48 AM dreamerOi haha you weridos wells i say ty& you betr enjo... Oct 12 2004, 02:00 PM dreamerOi hahaa sorry it didnt go nuts hahaa. Oct 12 2004, 05:05 PM MasteRxKiD Why're you apologizing?
I'm not saying I ... Oct 12 2004, 05:56 PM Heathasm man...this rocked...i could almost feel the pain o... Oct 13 2004, 04:29 AM dreamerOi haha thanks glad you could almost feel it haa Oct 13 2004, 10:23 AM JasonAkAWolf QUOTE(dreamerOi @ Oct 12 2004, 2:00 PM)haha y... Oct 14 2004, 12:33 PM
dreamerOi hahaha i wont Oct 16 2004, 12:36 AM |
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