no one else |
 Oct 8 2004, 06:37 PM
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#1
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*  Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134  |
no one else can compare this world to you
you were my only friend, my only love but its all gone now since you moved away my heart feeling broken and torn apart i wont give up and fall on my knees im going to try my hardest and fulfill my dream to make you happy and put that smile on your face the look that started it all before you left without a trace its been so long now ive forgotten about you every moment that we had ive thrown away i gave up that day when you found someone new when he said those words i promised to say to you...... hmm i havent wrote a love poem in awhile hope yall likes |
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Oct 9 2004, 06:56 PM
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#2
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
It's nice!... but somehow it doesn't FLOW... like the middle is rhyming...
but then the other two... which is beginning and end... are just blah, ya know what i'm saying? maybe if you also made them rhyme or not make the middle rhyme it would flow much better... I believe that the beginning and the end are two of the most important parts of a poem, a story... anything... So, yeah... I don't want to put you down, just offering some little advice. <33 |
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Posts in this topic
dispn0ygonekrazy no one else Oct 8 2004, 06:37 PM
fairy_princess aww tis good, i like a lot Oct 9 2004, 05:05 PM lucky_clover aww!! that is a sweet and cute poem. Oct 9 2004, 07:15 PM MasteRxKiD Yeah, I agree with what Mel says...
But, I really... Oct 9 2004, 11:57 PM
dispn0ygonekrazy heheh thnx everyone yeah i know about the middle a... Oct 11 2004, 05:54 PM |
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