Blue Options

[melface]

Something very old that I have written.... very old...
One of my few poems... Yeah, no wonder I don't write them anymore....



A picture and a dream escapes her deep curious mind,
as she writes upon the wall.
She writes and screams,
in her favorite color blue
that makes sense to her but
no sense to the world,
So break up and break out and
break in to understand when she
makes her arms reach out,
and open to anyone who cares
but her cries are too soft,
and can't be heard so it's made in the darkness,
and loaded at night and builds
up in sleep and so she sleeps,
and slips away to the end of the
world and end of the cries,
living in dreams,
and writing in blue.


I figured I might as well post it since no one else is posting sh*t in writing... this forum has been neglected...

[Heathasm]

A picture and a dream escapes her deep curious mind,
as she writes upon the wall.
She writes and screams,
in her favorite color blue
that makes sense to her but
no sense to the world,
So break up and break out and
break in to understand when she
makes her arms reach out,
and open to anyone who cares
but her cries are too soft,
and can't be heard so it's made in the darkness,
and loaded at night and builds
up in sleep and so she sleeps,
and slips away to the end of the
world and end of the cries,
living in dreams,
and writing in blue.

In the first line "escapes" should be "escape"

when you say "her favorite color blue" i think it would read better if you added more detail :) like "favorite shade of blue" or some thing along those line

i love it from there on....i just think you should add more detail and it will be really awesome....

i like old poems, they are fun to rewrite