Winter Options

[TheSilenceInDict...]

A quick write. Little effort...Meh.

Winter

Fingertips of morning
Softly brush my cheek.
Wisps of December air slowly escape my lips
Leaking secrets untold
To ears deafened by false prospect
Eyes forced shut
From frigid truth.
Denial -
My frozen heart,
My beating cause.
The careful burden
Seeping inside
To freeze my already cold soul

[NatiMarie]

Let's see...

Fingertips of morning
Softly brush my cheek.

I love that. I love how you steered away from the cliche intake of the rays of a waking sun. Using personification...I like that a lot.

Wisp of December air slowly escapes my lips
Leaking secrets untold
To ears deafened by flase prospect

Hmm...I like the message. Just the structure...on that 'Wisp of December air slowly escapes my lips'

Leaking secrets untold...a bid redundant...secrets aren't supposed to be told, so you're kind of repeating yourself there.

The rest is good. It just doesn't grasp my attention as much as I wanted it to. I like

The careful burden
Seeping inside
To freeze my already cold soul

Just that...you didn't really link it to other things. You suddenly just threw in the coldness freezing your already cold soul.

Maybe you can somehow just throw in some foreshadowing to coldness in some sort of representation of coldness, just so that the last part won't seem out of place.

I definetly like it. Very good.

=]