My side, and my sorrys., This is not for attetion Options

[*mSz_dOrk_anGeL*]

Please, try and be nice this topic. This is not for attetion. This is to maybe undertsand who I am.

Okay, I didn't get out of hand.

Everytime I make a topic, I always have to get bashed in some way. I'm sorry but last time I checked no one is perfect. Especally you people.

I am not a attetion whore.
I am not a whore.
I am not a little girl.

I am a cutter
You all did make me cry
You should have never gone there with the cutting thing.

I was at 256 days of no SI. Thanks for f*cking it up. Look, I came to this site thinking 'Oh well they seem nice, they will maybe help me.' You all did. I started making blends, Sure I posted to many topics, but I listend and I learned. I made my own Member's Pictures post .. I'm sorry .. I was still new-ish .. and I didn't see the other topic on it. I am sorry.

Why am I going to tell you all this? Becuase maybe you will understand me.

When I was 5 .. I did have to become an adult then. My dad spilt .. Grandma died .. Granpa died .. and we shipped off up here to Jersey. I was 5 .. thats alot in less than a year. When I was 6 mom re-married. 8, dad did. Two years ago, my dad cheated on my stepmom. He left her. And me. My father was the one I always looked up to. He was my hero. And then, he lied to me, broke my heart into a million peices. After that .. I went into a major depression. I kept trying to OD, I did over 7 times. Never worked. Then I started with the SI. I liked the pain. It made me feel like I was actually still alive.

Two months later, I got a boyfriend. He was the best thing in the world. I was happy. I was .. in love. I mean it too. Then I met Matt. I thought we were gonna be friends. He wanted more and didn't care that I had Jon. Matt forced me to cheat on him. I was so afriad to tell Jon the truth that Matt had raped me, that I told him I just plain ole cheated on him, becuase I knew that Jon would make me tell someone. After a course of three months Matt hit me, beat me, and raped me .. all more than once. Matt had told me that, 'If you lose weight then maybe guys will want you.' I was back into my depression. I was left alone .. broken hearted, and just plain broken and used. I sit here now to find myself in tears. People always called me a whore because Matt was three years older than me. When no one ever knew the truth. I was known at my old school as the school slut. When really, I never wanted it at all. Never.

And to say I'm 13 and I don't know anything about sex, but you do since you had sex. Oh, umm hmm I was forced to have sex many many many a time. So I don't know anything?

I didn't post for people to think I'm sexy. I am not. I am not beautiful, nor am i pretty or cute. I am
N O T H I N G .

I have anorexica .. because I want to be all those things. I want to be perfect. Even if it kills me.

I am sorry to Ashley, I should have never called you a whore. I was wrong. But don't be so mean to people.
I am sorry to everyone who I have hurt. But no matter what I did, It could never have been as bad, as what you did to me.

Calling me a whore.
Saying I'm ugly. (I get that enough from myself)
Saying I'm a little girl. (I know about child porn. Matt loved it. It scares me. It was just my hair. I shall never wear it like that again.)
I am not an Idoit.
I did cut myself after what CEP said. I cired too.
I am fragile .. I really am. I have been hurt so much .. by so many people .. that I break so easily. I have been hurt by way more people, than my father and Matt, and cB.
And what in the hell would make you say, 'Get a razor' so I can kill myself. Thats just low and horrible.


I am sorry. But yet I am not.

[Retrogressive]

but that's not what you said you just started to make up all kinds of bs excuses for why we should feel sorry for you.