Why, another poem |
 Sep 24 2004, 08:33 PM
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#1
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*  Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134  |
why do i choke at the sight of ur name
why do i feel like it isnt the same why do i fall and start to cry who do i constantly ask myself why why do i drop down and beg on my knees to find the answer what u didnt see that there was so many words that i didnt say to save the love before u died away a short one lol |
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Sep 27 2004, 08:43 AM
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#2
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 creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
this poem is pretty bad
the repetition is unoriginal and "why" is overused-not a good choice there's no punctuation...the last line does not even make sense, you can make sense of it, but it sounds like some thing a 7 yr old would say misspelled words...and its boring i suggest reading over your work. not just after you finish it, wait a few hours or a day then re-read it and make the necessary changes...i see good inspiration but a quickie job lol er...this is just a critique so dont get offended |
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Posts in this topic
dispn0ygonekrazy Why Sep 24 2004, 08:33 PM
rainnydaiis Ooo again another good one =P Sep 25 2004, 11:46 AM hiromah yea..i know the feeling Sep 26 2004, 06:31 AM wind&fire awwwwwwwww. that was SOOOOOOO SAD!!!... Sep 27 2004, 03:16 AM dispn0ygonekrazy heheh thnx Sep 27 2004, 08:34 AM omg_melface Heathasm... Now you know... "why" no mor... Sep 27 2004, 08:48 AM dispn0ygonekrazy well srry if it didnt meet your standards =/ Sep 27 2004, 08:56 AM
lucky_clover that's such a sweet and cute poem!! Oct 5 2004, 05:28 PM |
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