Funny Quotes Options

[LilPiggi3]

-|-How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on
-|-The more you cry, the less you have to pee.
-|-War determines not who is right, but who is left
-|-Humpty Dumpty was pushed!
-|-If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
-|-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
-|-Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-|-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-|-What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
-|-Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
-|-Why does your nose run, and your feet smell
-|-Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills
-|-What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant
-|-I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
-|-Headaches are all in your mind
-|-Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers
-|-Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?" The only people I hear using that language are teenagers
-|-Free one dollar bills! Please send $4.95 to cover postage & handling. (Limit $1 per order)
-|-The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population
-|-Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings..... they did it by killing all those who opposed them
-|-Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
xchoklaholikx: haha
-|-Whoever says that the small things don't matter should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.
-|-Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your lower half unprotected
-|-"Everything has a purpose" he said for no reason at all.
-|-I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
-|-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-|-If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
-|-Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
-|-Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring <--i dunt get it
-|-I didn't say it was your fault. I just said I was going to blame you
-|-What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
-|-There are three types of people in this world - those who can count, and those who can't.
-|-Friends don't set friends on fire.
-|-Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING
-|-A day without sunshine is like...night
-|-Always remember you're UNIQUE just like everyone else.
-|-Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot

[PinoyOtaku]

Not funny, but pretty amusing:


"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 9/21/88

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 15/9/88

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." 18/9/90
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
All of the above are from Dan Quayle

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming."
Jimmy Carter.

"I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."
Ronald Reagan.

"I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin. You never know if someone's tape recording what you say."
Richard Nixon.

"Politics is supposed be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
Ronald Reagan.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
Former French President Charles de Gaulle.