AM I A HORRIBLE PERSON?, well, am i? Options

[diezelbabygrl_xo...]

ok, lately i've been really depressed and everything- and i think the choices in life have made me weaker- wen i used 2 think they made me stronger. here is everything that has happened:
wen i was in 6th grade(wen i was 11) i met dis 14 year old guy at a highschool football game. his name is brandon. he was really cute-and i had a bf at that time- and he liked me. he was so sweet 2 me. so i went out wit him.
in 7th grade, we were still 2gether. but brandon seemed 2 change n gradually started 2 abuse me emotionally then physically. i never told anyone. i came 2 school wit bruises and cuts but i said i got it from 'accidents' i broke up wit brandon at the end of 7th grade.
then in 8th grade, i went out wit his cousin (whom i met at a party) his name was tom and he was 22 years old. i told him i was 17. he's in the navy(jus like my dad) and he treated me like a princess.
now movin on to friends- i had two bestfriends- meagan and doreen. one day i found out meagan had ripped off the beginning of my story and i confronted her. we got into a big fight and i told her to just drop our friendship bcuz i thot she waz talkin behind my back- and i dont need that sh*t, havin a backstabbing friend.
in late march on this year, i went 2 a party that brandon was at and he r@ped me. he didnt use a condom and i never told anyone. i thought i was pregnant tho im not, and eventually i told my friends.
i told doreen, chelC and ashley. doreen knows everythin but she didnt seem 2 care. chelC said she wanted 2 get pregnant 2 so i wouldnt b alone n ashley felt really bad.
but then i realized doreen was all tha sudden bein friends wit meagan (but she always talked behind her back b4) n den i thot, well if she used 2 talk behind meagan's back she mite talk behind my back 2 meagan, so i dropped my friendship wit doreen.
so i waz still wit tom n den he slapped me wen we were fightin so i said f*ck it, n i dumped him. he kept following me until i threatened to call the police n report him. then he said something real hurtful-"yur too g0ddamn independent, felicia. your gonna live yur life wit no1 to love and b alone forever, cuz u cant trust ne1."
i almost cried, and i've been called a b*tch, a whore, a slut, a tramp, etc. by my bestfriends, by strangers and by my family.
& now i have feelings that i want 2 jus have a baby, prove 2 every1 that i can take care of myself. & am i conceited? cuz i really do think im pretty, im not 1 of those girls who likes 2 call themselves fat or ugly. plus, i want 2 b a model or somethin- and i admire adriana lima, britney spears and xtina aguilera cuz i think if u have a great body, y not show it?? rite?
plus i cant even get a date- cuz im seriously not interested in guys my age. i jus like OLDER men. i mean ages 35-53. i think that is so sexy- serious italian men wit brooklyn accents...n bcuz of that i get called a tramp.
now i have no friends, all i ever do is write, i cant sleep, im not close 2 ne1...where did i go wrong?
sorry if this is 2 much, but i needed 2 tell sum1, n since i dont know u personally, u probably wont care enuf 2 tell ne1 else.
is bein independent wrong? cuz i believe u cant trust no1 if u cant even trust yur family.