(Ex-) Boyfriend is gay. Options

[pinacoolada]

Hey guys. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years told me he was gay two days ago. It was a very messy break up, and I'm extremely hurt. He came out to me as bisexual about 2 weeks ago and he said my support and acceptance has helped him accept himself and his sexuality. While I'm happy for him and glad that he got it out to someone, I feel horrible for myself. This person was my best friend and things were great with us. He told me he has always known that he was attracted to guys, and that he suppressed it. He also said he genuinely loved me and was genuinely attracted to me, but the attraction diminished slowly beginning about 4 months ago, when he started admitting his sexuality to himself.

I am utterly lost, and I know I need to get over him, but this just hurts so much. I feel like someone has punched a hole through me. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? How did you cope? When does it stop feeling so empty?

[misoshiru]

Obviously, you didn't turn him gay. Don't ever think that. It's difficult because you were in a relationship with him for 3 years. That's a long time to devote to someone, especially someone you most likely still are in love with. I may not understand how you feel, but as someone who tried to deny the fact that I'm queer, I know how he feels. I can only tell you that it'll take time to heal. But think of it this way, at least he loves you enough, even if it's not the type of love you're looking for, he loves you enough to be upfront with you. He's not trying to make prolong his questioning because it'll hurt even more down the road.

In my perspective, as someone who is queer, it's hard for my close friends, ones who knew me when I believed I was straight to understand how I go from straight to queer. I say that I'm queer because I don't rule out being with a guy in the future. It's something hard to accept because not only were you his girlfriend, but also his best friend. And I'm sure he loves you in his own way. You may not be able to be friends with him now, and you may never be best friends again, but hopefully, in the future, he'll want you to be there for him. And I hope that you will be able to be there for him. It's hard in this world, being gay.