Dr. :santa: Options

[brooklyneast05]

well i had to make a new thread since TJ ruined my last one. we're starting over.

i've decided to be the self proclaimed relationship expert of createblog's relationship forum. if you need advice, just post your problem here and i will guide you through your trouble waters and relationship hurdles.






NOTICE: don't ask me about mr. compatibility. this thread isn't mr. compatibility. if you have a problem with mr. compatibility's production speed then go find someone else to be him. i'll do it when i want to and i won't when i don't.


this is Dr. , don't get the two confused

[brooklyneast05]

@ dani

But even though he acts like he's happy when we're together, it's hard to shake the feeling that for a while he WAS thinking that he'd be happier if he wasn't with me.

well there's no way to be 100% certain in cases like this i don't think. but for your own sanity, in my opinion, it's better to think the best than think the worst unless he's giving you a huge reason to believe that he isn't happy NOW. you can't spend that much time worrying about what happened before or it's going to kill stuff now. he says he would would tell you if he didn't want to be with you, so you have to believe that. you can't spend your time trying to predict problems and break ups. it will drive you crazy and it will completely drive him away. from a guy's perspective, it's extremely annoying to be with a girl and like her, and have her constantly telling you that you don't want to be with her, or that you don't seem to want to be with her. the word "seem" can be a bad things with dudes, so be careful of telling a guy what he does or doesn't "seem" like because a lot of us regard "seeming" as just some imaginary bullshit.

I believe him, it's just that we spent so much time together before without me having any idea that something was wrong, and THEN he told me that there was a problem.

yeah i know what you mean. you can't be blamed 100% for having that worry, but like i said you just have to trust it won't happen this time or else you'll find yourself looking for little "signs" of problems or disinterest constantly. anyone can do this, but women are notoriously bad about trying to pick up on signs, feelings, or thinking they have some sort of 6th sense for this kind of thing. they're wrong a good percentage of the time. and them asserting that we have a problem when we don't actually have one will piss us off and ultimately create a real problem to be worried about. also, i don't think this is with every situation, but a lot of times the second time around is easier for someone to express they have a problem. meaning that he might have held out on you the first time when he had problems, but once something has gone down like this in a relationship, i don't think people spend as much time trying to cover it up the second time.

Basically, I think I'm suffocating him and I want to be able to give him some air without going crazy MYSELF. Sitting around and constantly checking my phone waiting for him to call all the time is making me crazy, and it's certainly not helping.. I want to be unavailable to him sometimes, too, so I can stop feeling like I'm always the one who's missing him.

yeah you need to keep yourself busy and learn how to deal with that anxious waiting feeling. it's an annoying feeling. you have to train yourself to not let it get to you. that kind of shit will ruin a relationship for the reason you said, suffocating. suffocating drives guys off and makes us uninterested. when we wanna be alone we wanna be alone, and we don't want to have to feel guilty about it. even if i'm off doing something else, i can't feel completely "free" if i know someone is sitting around expecting something from me. if he knows you're busy doing something else and not waiting around on him, he's probably more likely to be able to freely enjoy his time away without that guilt. i don't know how much you are wanting him to call you, so i couldn't say if i think it's too much. communication is good, but too much is overkill and a lot of times leaves people with nothing to talk about when they do get to hang out.