Why doesn't he tell me? Options

[karmakiller]

I've been trying to figure this out, so someone give me some insight, please.

My brother and I are fairly close. We'll hang out sometimes and talk to each other a lot. For some reason he will date girls and not even tell me about it. The girl who I'm assuming was his first girlfriend got along with me and she'd come over to see my brother (he works at home, because he took over the family business, but doesn't live at home) and her and I would talk and watch TV. The last girlfriend he had he dated for almost a year before I knew that they were actually a couple... that went horrible. I told him she was bad news, but didn't say anything else. She was bad news, and she caused a lot of problems between my brother and my family.

Then, on Sunday he had to go to the hospital and Monday I went to visit him and some girl is sitting there eating lunch with him. It was awkward.
Me: "Who are you? ...Did you graduate with him?"
Her: *awkward giggle "Um... I'mmmm... his girlfriend"
Me: "Oh, I haven't even heard your name until today."
My brother's friend: "Yeah, I'm lucky I even know who you are."

Then she said she had to go. This morning I called my brother's room and she was the one who answered. I still felt like an ass about yesterday.

Why does he not want me to know if he's seeing someone? His friend told me it's because the girl just graduated high school this month (my brother's almost 23.) I guess I just get a little offended that all his friends know and I am clueless. I feel like he's ashamed of me, because the two previous girls he dated never even knew he had a sister. :(

[fameONE]

Was it like this before he went to Iraq?

[karmakiller]

Was it like this before he went to Iraq?

Oh, that's my other brother. I forget that some people here know more about me than others :P The brother who was in Iraq lives in a different state and he actually tells me whats going on in life.

My brother has just been distant, and whenever I want to talk to him about stuff he ignores me. My mom talked to him today about this girlfriend and he said that he doesn't want my mom and I to butt in. But I've never tried to get involved in what was going on with him and any of his girlfriends. When he came clean to me about his last girlfriend the only thing I said to him was "Well, be careful. She's bad news." And she was, because she tore my family apart and messed with his head. After they broke up she got pregnant and was going around saying the baby was his. Then I did get involved and told him he should have a paternity test because he is a carrier of the disease that my mother has, which is a very serious thing.

I live in a smaller town, and my brother is pretty well known so people will ask me "Oh how is your brother and his girlfriend?" and I correct them and tell them they need to get a better source of information. He knows that I tell people they are wrong, and it makes me look like an ass, because they are actually right. It makes me question what else he is lying to me about. (Don't worry, I've stopped correcting people when they tell me stuff about him.)

[Uronacid]

Oh, that's my other brother. I forget that some people here know more about me than others :P The brother who was in Iraq lives in a different state and he actually tells me whats going on in life.

My brother has just been distant, and whenever I want to talk to him about stuff he ignores me. My mom talked to him today about this girlfriend and he said that he doesn't want my mom and I to butt in. But I've never tried to get involved in what was going on with him and any of his girlfriends. When he came clean to me about his last girlfriend the only thing I said to him was "Well, be careful. She's bad news." And she was, because she tore my family apart and messed with his head. After they broke up she got pregnant and was going around saying the baby was his. Then I did get involved and told him he should have a paternity test because he is a carrier of the disease that my mother has, which is a very serious thing.

I live in a smaller town, and my brother is pretty well known so people will ask me "Oh how is your brother and his girlfriend?" and I correct them and tell them they need to get a better source of information. He knows that I tell people they are wrong, and it makes me look like an ass, because they are actually right. It makes me question what else he is lying to me about. (Don't worry, I've stopped correcting people when they tell me stuff about him.)

Dee, sounds like he just wants his own life. Stop turning this into a big deal, and stop worrying about the intricate details of your brother's life. There's nothing wrong with your brothers decision to keep you out of his relationships. After all, they aren't your relationships. I personally hate telling any woman about my relationship for a variety of reasons. Anyway, you have your own life to live. Go live it.

[karmakiller]

Dee, sounds like he just wants his own life. Stop turning this into a big deal, and stop worrying about the intricate details of your brother's life. There's nothing wrong with your brothers decision to keep you out of his relationships. After all, they aren't your relationships. I personally hate telling any woman about my relationship for a variety of reasons. Anyway, you have your own life to live. Go live it.

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. I just wish that I knew what was going on in his life, because people who barely know him do. When he brings a girl to Christmas dinner and she says "I'm Kayla, we've been dating for a year and a half." of course I'm going to be surprised that he denied he was dating someone. If she's been in his life for a long time she should be important enough to mention

[Uronacid]

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. I just wish that I knew what was going on in his life, because people who barely know him do. When he brings a girl to Christmas dinner and she says "I'm Kayla, we've been dating for a year and a half." of course I'm going to be surprised that he denied he was dating someone. If she's been in his life for a long time she should be important enough to mention

What's boggling my mind here is that this still surprises you. It sounds like it happens fairly often. Why not just expect it?

Also, I know it might be a big deal to you, but maybe dating isn't a big deal to him. If that's the case then it's probably a good thing. He you don't have to be the protective sister because he's obviously not that attached. If it's every really serious for him to make a real commitment then I'm sure he'll tell you and your family. If not then don't worry about it he's a big boy and can take care of himself. I'm sure he has a better idea of what's best for him than you do.

You repeatedly say how you express your negative opinions about his girlfriends. I'll tell you what I told my friend Grace for expressing her negative opinions about Holly with out my asking, "Fuck off, how dare you say anything like that about her without spending as much time with her as I have. If I feel she's treating me unfairly then let me determine that. If I need your help then I'll ask for it." Just don't do it. That's what petty jealous bitches do.