Createblog Diary Options

[faithin_felix]

so people can post here more than once. perhaps once everyday and share your day with fellow createbloggers. So write your day and what did you do?

[mystical]

Dear Createblog Diary,
Lies...lies, lies...is all I hear. I'm becoming so paranoid and insecure with the world. I can't trust anyone anymore. Every single time, I just grow more and more, hurt. I can't bring myself to it as I used to. I feel like I'm lying to the world everyday when I'm putting on that smile. I feel really fake. No, I'm actually not blaming it all on me. Not one of my friends actually care to notice. All of them...I mean all of them, they blame me for never telling them how I feel. I can still remember an old friend that I had, she told me I was inconsiderate. It was a time when everything blew out of me...when I told her so many things that went on in my mind on a typed e-mail. I was furious, really furious. She constantly made me feel hurt. She claimed she was my best friend like someone else I used to know. Lies. I was not important to her. She made me feel insecure, if she considered me as a good friend or not. I was only looking forward to when I had a class with her, yet she never gave any appreciation or paid any heed.

Too much hurt...really. Constant guilt. Constant guilt. Constant guilt. I don't know...it may be what I did was wrong, but I was not a whole one-hundred percent to blame. Always saying I keep everything to myself. All of them. I'm tired of it. I'm seriously tired of it. They never thought of how hard it was to keep it inside. To keep all these thoughts inside, and to still walk to school. I can't smile, and your point is? SORRY, if I don't pay attention to you as much. It never seemed like they ever paid attention to ME. Why do I have to think of their side and they can't ever look at my situation? It hurts...it really hurts. I wish to tell it out, but I can't. Just give me some understanding and that's all I expect. But no.

I don't trust any of them anymore. I can't afford it. I can't help it. I'm no longer me. I've changed into a person even I, am foreign to. I've grew into something that I'm afraid of. If I felt trapped then, then what am I now? If I felt lost then...then what is it that I'm feeling now? If it's impossible to erase the pain, I wish to erase all my happiness and great memories, friends, anything to deal with cheerfulness from the past, present, future...so I don't ponder for it so much, so I learn to be used to this.

I'm afraid of the new me.

Sorry, long blog...I had to.

I'm really sorry you feel this way right now, I went throught this too, it was a really dark time in my life. I didnt know my friends anymore like that all dont care or what not about me. I just went along my day with a fake smile and pretend nothing was goin on but yeah i was hurting inside... it really sucked. I have never felt soo sad in my life during that time period, everyday was a pain to get up and face the harsh world and friends. Things finally worked out when one of my friends got really close with me and i felt as if people cared about me. And yeah i told her about alot of things and she help me about of this "period."


Sharie if you ever need someone to talk to....you have my number just pick up the phone.