stuck... breaking up., =[ Options

[31miracles]

I've been dating this girl for five months now. Not to sound obnoxious, but I am literally her whole life.

At first, I thought she was someone that I could be with. She looked innocent, sweet, and wonderful. However, she admitted that she wasn't a virgin and had sex with one other person. That shocked me, but I realized that it's life, people have lives before they meet you. I told her it was ok, and everything was going to be about me and her.

She was cute and I wanted to make it work. I played the perfect boyfriend card, and she never did anything to hurt me directly. I was the best boyfriend. She was sweet, packing me lunch for school everyday, treating my sister nicely, just plain caring.

Everything went well, we told each other that we would love each other forever, have children, grow old... blah... blah and never change our minds. I promised her that I would never leave her.

But one day, I figured out that she had sex with two past boyfriends. I brought it up to her and she just flat out keep lying to me. Finally, she admitted to having two previous sex relationship. She told be she was stupid, lonely, and she hated life and was always depressed and sometimes anorexic before she met me. She tried to keep it a secret, because she didn't want to hurt me or didn't want me to break up with her and I understand. I felt hurt. She told me that I was special, that I taught her what real love felt like.

This was a month ago. I really did love her, she was the perfect gf, and I tried my best to forgive her. But I woke up this morning and realized that life is scary now, I'm going to be an adult. I am most likely going to college at UChicago, and my gf said she will move there with me from PA. I told her that I would love her to come, that I would "die without her".

I know that she is not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's hard forgiving her even though it's not her fault. I just don't feel special being with her knowing she has had two other intimate relationships. She is so different from me. She and I just wouldn't work out. It was my fault that I made her feel so loved, I just wanted her to be happy.

She really is wonderful towards me. and I would never forgive myself for breaking her heart. I don't want to break her heart. I do care about her. but I can't be with her, because I believe that I can find someone better, someone better for me.

And I'm completely serious, there is a high chance that she might do something drastic like suicide and I am for sure that if I broke up with her, it would put her into deep depression for 5 years minimum. I don't want that, she is a sweet girl, but just has extremely low self esteem.

What should I do? How could I end this relationship? I know I can't make her move half way across the country and then dump here.

[Melie]

i've got a bunch of questions for you:

first off, why does her having previous relationships affect your feelings for her?
second, how old are you both that she's making your lunch for you? are you living together?
third, why are you holding yourself accountable for HER self-esteem issues?
fourth, if you're not planning on spending the rest of your life with her, then why are you encouraging her to move with you to chicago?
fifth, if you want her to be happy then doesn't she deserve to be with someone that wants to be with her?
sixth, why are you holding on to her if you're miserable too?

your happiness should be just as important as hers. if she's having a problem with dealing with the breakup then you tell her that she may need to seek help. it sounds to me, that you're trying to end the relationship so that you can enjoy your life in chicago single. and that's not your fault for wanting that because a lot of people do that (i have). it also sounds to me that you're trying to end this because you don't know what you want. that all you want to do is make her happy by saying all of the things that she wants to hear. but all you're really doing is leading her on and giving her false hopes.

think for awhile how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. you seriously need to sit down with her and tell you everything that you just said in the forum so that she's aware of what's going on this relationship. because if it was you, you would be very upset that someone you love is holding back and not telling you everything.