Midwinter Lovers, Poem Options

[CrotchetTheLeper]

I submitted this to the writer's block contest. I don't write much poetry, but I saw the contest and suddenly became inspired, haha.

Tell me what you think...



Midwinter Lovers

The boughs above have hands to hold
Our path is worn, our feet grow cold

We're synchronized, our steps, our hearts
Forever youthful neath the stars

A friend or foe, I cannot say
The moon is bright, the branches sway

Unearthly lights, a distant glow
Illuminating fallen snow

A racing mind, a frigid touch
Our bodies shake, consumed by lust

Hearing words, so long unspoken
Pious whispers, mouth unopened

The bridges burn, above, below
An ember world, turns neath the snow

My lips, they part, words will not come
We stop, we stare, the cold has won

[CrotchetTheLeper]

Well the poem is essentially about two lovers who are taking part in lustful acts, outside, in the dead of winter's cold - who haven't been together in quite some time. Unable to retreat anywhere warm - presumably because their love is secretive - they've resorted to the only setting available. However, the last lines:

"My lips, they part, words will not come"

Suggest a sense of desperate awkwardness. How do you tell your lover that:

"We stop, we stare, the cold has won"

Despite their efforts, they cannot bear the frigid cold any longer.
The dead of winter's cold has conquered their love - in a way the ending is a bit dark to me because it suggests that their love has failed the "test of the cold," symbolic for their lack of fortitude.

"Hearing words, so long unspoken
Pious whispers, mouth unopened"

These lines are about the things whispered between the two - both spoken, and unspoken (the things actually said, and the things that are suggested). "So long unspoken" suggests that the two have not been together in quite some time. "Pious whispers" suggests utter lustful devotion.

I actually changed the poem a bit since I posted it here. I might get around to updating it...

:D