Two hearts, One me. Options

[Kristywashere]

So, here's the story of my current love life.
I just need it out and open. Help would be nice. No need to judge. I know what's wrong and what's right.

So, at this current state I have a boyfriend. Keep that in mind. Let's call him, P. So, P and I met I'm guessing sometime in March of 2008. Originally, I liked him. But he liked someone else at the time. She's very nice and I have nothing against her what so ever. Over the months we progressed. And I helped him forget about her gradually. He asked me about a few times but I said no, because I didn't think I was ready. Because in September. I started talking to this other guy, we'll call him, C. We've gotten so close. And I've introduced him to my friends. And my family. Where they all love him. I developed strong feelings for him as well. But also for P. I got into a relationship with P. In the beginning of November. It really hurt C. But I thought it was the right thing to do. Until I found myself cheating on P. With C. P, found out. And he still forgave me after all that. So I figured he was the one I belonged with. Because he really cares about me, he respects me. And he really does love me. I have really strong feelings for him as well. But I've come to find myself wondering If I do love him. With C, I know I love him. He's been that guy whose been waiting around for me. Who wanted to be with me for me. I broke up with P, during December, and found myself juggling between the two. Because it was as if P and I never broke up. But C and I had grown fonder for each other. Or that's what I thought. When I was surprised in January, this month. C, had gone and gotten himself a girlfriend. So, I guess it was another sign for me to be with P. I didn't think, by C having a girlfriend it would affect me so. But wow, it's been hurting me and upsetting me so badly. I realized how much I do love him, but I don't want to ruin any chances of happiness he has with this girl. And I don't want to be that girl, that his friends already dislike. I don't want to make him break up with her just so he could be with me. It hurt so bad because. He's not just my best friend, he's so much more than that. He's my lover. When I talk to him, when I look at him in the eyes. I just melt. And I know, you probably want to ask me why I'm with P then. It's just I don't know myself. I do like like him. I just don't know. I'm in a tough situation. Either way I lose someone I really care about. Everyone just says. Just be with one of them. But it's not that easy. It's really not. But now I know who I do really want to be with and It's too late. And I don't want to be that kind of girl. I can take walks with him for hours and just talk and not be bored, and still not want to go home. With P, It's different sometimes we'd just never have anything ever to say to each other.



Boy, am I in trouble or what.

[datass]

don't talk to them. no interactions. take a break from them. what you need to do is to clear your mind. no one can tell you who to choose. figure out who you want, and try not talk to either of them until you have it sorted out. however, do realize that if your final choice is C, you will have to respect his choice of being with another girl. but don't go to P just because of that, cuz that's very very unfair for him (P).