So my idiot neighbor decided he would just let himself into my house Options

[Reidar]

A little while ago, I was just sitting here in my lounge chair, reading, when the doorbell rings. It's those obnoxious kids from next door that are always tossing their **** into my backyard. I knew it was them because you can hear the little snots from a mile away. Anyway, I didn't feel like going through another fetch quest for them, and since I knew that my dogs were out in the backyard, they wouldn't try to go and get it themselves, so I just ignored them. After about a hundred doorbell rings (I really need to remove that thing), they leave.

Ten minutes later, I hear my back door open. It's my douchebag neighbor, who, to his credit, does a stunning impression of a deer caught in a pair of headlights.

"Howdy, Reidar! I noticed that your door was open [it wasn't], but nobody was home when Stewart and Sarah came over, so I thought I'd see if everything was okay," he babbles.

What a lying piece of ****. "Well, I'm home, so you can leave."

"Alrighty, neighbor! Hey, while I'm here, let me just get their ball from your yard. I guess it went over the fence again. Hehehe!"

"Sure, Aaron. Help yourself." I open the sliding glass door for him.

So he steps out, and almost immediately, my Rottweilers, Gorrzak and Mortlock, start barking as they charge him. It was pretty bad ass because they were in the middle of digging into the leftovers of a deer carcass from yesterday's hunt, so their faces were covered in blood. "My word!" he cries as he jumps back in. "Ah, they sure are spirited little pups! I'm going to need something to distract them. Where do you keep your toys?" And with that, he actually turns around and starts toward another room. I couldn't believe it.

"Hey, Aaron. Don't sweat it. I'll find it for you," I say with mock sincerity. Then, I stomp out into the yard and grab the mangled deer by its antlers. "I'll give you something to occupy them with," I mutter as I rip the head off from the rest of the corpse. "Here, here boys! Go fetch!" I throw the head as hard as I can through the side window, shattering the glass right about where Aaron is waiting. "Whoa, what the-!" he cries from inside. The dogs are mere seconds behind as they leap through the opening. "OH ****," beloved neighbor screams. It's obvious that he's knocking my crap over as he's scrambling for the door. Meanwhile, I've stumbled across his kids' soccer ball lying in the pile of brush that I collect for barbecuing stray pets that get caught in the bear traps I have set-up. I'm feeling pretty satisfied at how I've handled everything up to now, so I take it and walk back with it, whistling. Inside the house is a mess. The dogs are fighting over a scrap of face flesh on top of the broken glass and toppled furniture. The deer head is right at my feet, so I boot it out of my way. "He'll never be the head of a major corporation," I say with a straight face. The dogs didn't laugh, but they would have if they understood it. So I casually walk out the door, spinning the ball on my fingertip, and I run into Aaron again. He was waiting for me on my driveway.

"Y-you intentionally did that to humiliate me!" he stammers. "And that poor mutilated creature that was on your premises...you're in way over your head!"

"Hey, over my head. Get it? Haha."

"W-what? Just give me that ball and the charges pressed on you won't be as severe as they could be!" By this time, his kids have ran up behind him to watch the commotion.

"Sure, you can have the ball. Go get it." I drop-kick the ball with the intent of kicking it way across the street, which would make him have to run and chase it. However, the ball makes contact with my foot at an angle so it flies up to the side, right into his face. He crumples onto the pavement.

"Oops." I shrug.

"Oh my God! Dad!" his pimply-faced son screams. He kneels beside him and shakes his limp body, crying in that high-pitched, nasal voice of his, 'Dad! Dad!"

"Well, he practically jumped in front of it."

"Dad! SPEAK TO ME! DAD!"

"Looks like you have everything under control, though." I bend down to pick up the brown leather wallet that had fallen out of my slain neighbor's pocket.

"Y-you KILLED him!"

"No way," I protest. "The ball did it. Anyways, I'm gonna go off and, uh...notify the next of kin."

"I AM the next of kin! He's my dad, remember?!"

"Oh, right. Then...your dad is dead."

So I leave him crying as I saunter back into the house, shuffling through the contents of the wallet. It looks like there's just enough money to repair the window. Excellent.

By the way, he's actually out of the hospital now. He only had a mild concussion. Must have been one of my weaker kicks.

[Reidar]

Violence isn't the answer.

It's the question. The answer is yes.