Bar Jokes, everyone knows at least one Options

[DisneyPrincessKa...]

Everyone post your favorite bar joke!

A man walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender tells him to leave. The guy tells the bartender that he just wants a few drinks. So the bartender says to him "ok, you can stay. Just don't start anything."

[× JeNi ×]

i got two of them :D my play brother told me them =]i hope it`s okay to post them tho

a man walks into a bar and sits down. he calls the bartender over so he can order a drink. the bartender comes over and tells the man, "hey, there`s a contest going on. there`s a horse outside, and if you make him laugh really hard, you`ll get a bucket full of money!" so the man thinks for a little bit, then he sed, "okay, let me try it." so the bartender brings the man outside to meet the horse. the man walks up to the horse and whispers something in its ear. suddenly the horse rolls on its back and starts laughing really hard. the bartender was amazed and walked inside to bring the man his money. a week later, the man comes back and the bartender tells the man that there is another contest going on, only this time you have to make the horse cry. again, the man went outside, but this time he showed something to the horse. when he was done the horse cries and cries. amazed once again, the bartender gives the man his money, and then asks, "man, i don`t get it. how did you get the horse to laugh and cry?" and man smiles and sez, "oh, the horse was laughing because i told him i have a bigger penis than him. this time he was crying because i showed it to him!"

haha cracked me up xD here`s another one..

there is a monkey sitting alone all sad at the bar. a dog notices the monkey so he walks up to him and starts to talk to the monkey. "look man, i know you`re sad and all, but don`t let whatever it is get to you. you should love your life and forget everything about it. shake off the drama and live a happy life." the monkey looks at the dog when he`s telling him this, and the monkey`s eyes widen and sez, "holy shit. a talking dog!"

haha xD