His mom, hates me. what do i do? Options

[katebaybayy]

So my bf lives with his mom during the summer since college is out. She constantly calls him when hes with me and when he tells her where he is when she calls, she has a smart comment like 'youre over there too much give it a rest' or 'still', etc. So one day she calls and in the background I said 'omg does she have anything better to do than call you!?' i know it wasnt the nicest thing I could have done but i was so tired of being interrupted by someone who didnt like me and who doesnt want me to be with her son.

So my bf went home that night and she said 'shes no good for you you need to find someone better' just bc of what i said when she was on the phone. Then she threatened to come to my house and cuss me out (totally immature) and after that, i didnt say a word to her and i havent seen her in a long time.

His mom went out of town for a few days and my bf stayed there by himself. I guess she got paranoid that I was over there "doing stuff" with him, which I wasnt and when she came back she found a shirt on her couch that she thought was mine, which again, it wasnt. So she calls him up (while hes with me, go figure) and starts yelling at him saying how I owe her money for thinking her house is a hotel and my bf just says 'ok bye' and hangs up.

Then he made plans with me one day but decided to leave early from my house to spend time with his mom but the next day when he came back over, she got mad that he doesnt do anything around the house and told him he could only stay for an hour. (hes 19 btw) so i got mad and told him it wasnt fair bc he left me early to spend time with her and i didnt do anything to her and she wouldnt let him spend time with me the next day.

One day I called him up when he was with his mom and she said 'doesnt she have any other friends? she needs to leave you alone'

i didnt do anything to her but say that one comment about her calling so much. shes crazy!

Confusing, i know.. sorry!


I constantly tell him to tell her to leave me alone but he never does. Ive had to put up with this for almost 2 years. He acts scared of her or something and tells me its disrespectful for him to tell her to stop. As i told him it was disrespectful to me to let her say stuff.. So when she says something, he just blows it off.

Does he not care about my feelings or am i just overreacting? What do I do? I want my (maybe) future mother-in-law to like me, not hate me!
Thanks

[dustbunny]

the easiest way to deal with this is not by turning your boyfriend into an uncomfortable mediator/middleman/messenger but by sitting down with the momster at starbucks and talking. one on one, (with some of her favorite coffee and cake, this is where your boyfriend's personal knowledge comes into handy) you tell her your side, your issue, etc. handle it maturely, keep the profanity to a minimum if you REALLY can't control yourself, and be sure to dress up for the occasion without looking like you're trying too hard. the key is to impress her and just show her that you really really really care about her son. apologize for your "silly" comments and tell her that you just have trouble "sharing" her son. other than that...I suppose just listen to what she has to say, respond calmly, and establish the fact that you are infatuated with her son. yup. yeah and your boyfriend should NOT be at this meeting, and you should schedule this with the mother, not THROUGH the boyfriend.

goodluck



/edit

don't tell her to leave you guys alone (those words) say things like "we need some personal space" and also, she is his mother and she does have a right to be concerned and genuinely distraught over her son's meanderings. respect the mother, respect that she is just doing her job as a mother, and you'll receive respect, well it will come in time. it's tough being a daughter in law (potential) so just understand that a mother wants what's best for her son and so she can be difficult to deal with.

[katebaybayy]

the easiest way to deal with this is not by turning your boyfriend into an uncomfortable mediator/middleman/messenger but by sitting down with the momster at starbucks and talking. one on one, (with some of her favorite coffee and cake, this is where your boyfriend's personal knowledge comes into handy) you tell her your side, your issue, etc. handle it maturely, keep the profanity to a minimum if you REALLY can't control yourself, and be sure to dress up for the occasion without looking like you're trying too hard. the key is to impress her and just show her that you really really really care about her son. apologize for your "silly" comments and tell her that you just have trouble "sharing" her son. other than that...I suppose just listen to what she has to say, respond calmly, and establish the fact that you are infatuated with her son. yup. yeah and your boyfriend should NOT be at this meeting, and you should schedule this with the mother, not THROUGH the boyfriend.

goodluck

that sounds like a good idea. i think id be too nervous to go in front of her. she has a tendancy for hitting ppl he dates