Am I taking advantage or is he just trying to make me feel bad? Options

[loveneko]

My boyfriend and I have been going out now for close to two years, and we've set "minimum requirements" for each other; call in the morning, after school and before I go to bed. No female friends (which he's repeatedly broken so eventually I just got over it), no male friends, no parties and we tell each other everything. I know that he loves me alot, and I mean alot, and I love him very much too. He moved away from me after our anniversary so our relationship is distant and some of the rules have had to be stretched.

Here's the problem: At least on my side
He broke our minimum requirements. For months I've been used to him calling me all the time, at a certain time, every day. He started going out with his friends, playing soccer, and doing other crap that I cant be involved with because he lives so far away. He works the night shift and Im an early sleeper, so our time alternates, and obviously since he was doing all this stuff he didnt have time to call me anymore. When he did that crap started happening to me, I mean like stuff that hurts ur feelings not your body and we'd been talking for so long that he became my best friend and I told him everything that happened to me because he would always make me feel better even when I didnt want to. But when he started hanging out with his friends he wouldnt pick up the phone, or if he did, he had to go immediately. I was hurt, and I didnt have anyone to talk to, and one night, feeling distanced and tired of asking him to pay attention to me i took things

My Solution
My old boyfriend before him was the guy he stole me from for pretty much the same issues. My old bf and I had a strong friendship just like my current bf so I had no issue finding someone to listen to me in place of my neglecting bf. I went over to my old bf's house and spent the day there, we didnt have sex or anything we played video games, basketball and I did his hair. My bf was raging mad and I loved it, I wanted him to know that I wanted his attention and I would get it one way or another. I wasnt going to do anything with my old bf, he has it in his head that I'm above sex with him anyhow and thats the way it really is.

My bf said that I took advantage if the fact that he would never leave me, but all I was doing was trying to get his attention. SURE I used my old bf who he's not comfortable with, but who else would he have responded to like this. Now he calls me all the time, sure he's accusing me of hanging out with my old bf again (and Im not) but he sure as hell got the point eh?

Am I taking advantage of him? This is only my side he'll put his up later

[katebaybayy]

well i understand where youre coming from.
me and my bf have the same "rules" bc he moved when he went to college and weve been together for almost 3 years now.

first of all, trying to get his attention didnt necessarily have to go to the limit of hanging out with your ex. Would you be mad if he hung out with his ex even though you knew he wouldnt cheat on you? I mean, there are other ways to get to him, trust me. maybe you should have talked about it to him first. Like call him up one day and plan to spend an hour on the phone on a certain day. Like a phone date lol. and if he loves you like you say he does, he will talk. just make it convenient for both of you and remind him of your different schedules.

second, maybe you should just meet someone on the internet and talk to them. then, you will get an honest answer because the person has no influence on their respons from not knowing you personally. if hes seriously the only person you let your feelings out with, find a good friend or cousin or something. or post a bulliten like you did here!

and think things through and if you feel like maybe you shouldnt do it to him, dont do it because its probably not a good idea.

And I know this may not be something you want to hear, but sometimes its best to let someone go if youre not happy in the relationship. Sometimes its whats best for each other. But if you do decide to break up, dont take it as a waste of time, rather an experience that will help you grow and know that youre next relationship will only be that much better.

good luck to both of you!