Sex Euphemisms, in books Options

[Melissa]

What's the best euphemism for sex you've ever read in a book (any book! class book, romance novels, etc)?

We're reading Boccoccio's The Decameron in our Lit Hum class - it's basically a collection of short stories that ten people tell within a ten day period and most of them revolve around sex, it's pretty awesome.

There's this one story where a priest (of some sort) is trying to get this girl into bed without outwardly saying "hey, lets have sex" and it pretty much goes down like this:

Priest: you know, if you really want to service god, you should put the devil to hell.

Girl: how do I do that, father?

Priest: Well, follow my example. *takes off clothes*

Girl: *takes of clothes and points at Priest* What is that which sticks out in front of your body in which I do not possess!!

Priest: That's the Devil! But you know what? *points at girl* You have a Hell!

Girl: OMG

Priest: We must put the devil in hell!

And thus proceeds to sex her and successfully put the devil in hell many times.

Yeah, good stuff.

[dustbunny]

sometimes books are so subtle that I don't even know the characters had sex. I was reading "A Woman In Berlin" and the narrator gets raped in broad daylight twice and I don't even know it until later she complains to other people that she was raped. I was like, WHAT? SHE GOT RAPED WTF.

[Melissa]

sometimes books are so subtle that I don't even know the characters had sex. I was reading "A Woman In Berlin" and the narrator gets raped in broad daylight twice and I don't even know it until later she complains to other people that she was raped. I was like, WHAT? SHE GOT RAPED WTF.

In the book I listed, Boccaccio makes it pretty clear that the characters are having sex, lol.

I think it's particularly funny, because it's so obviously written by a man. Half of the books are about women getting so horny and completely tiring their male counterparts out.