How to be manly Options

[Reidar]

Hello, noodle kegs. After a mountain of requests on how to be manly like me, I've finally decided to oblige you in revealing some of my secrets.

Here's my top-secret hair styling regimen. These suave cuts will make the ladies swarm over you like fire ants on a newborn baby.

1. Locate barren spot of dry dirt.

2. Draw in sacrificial circle with stick.

3. Sacrifice goat.

4. Apply blood to face in "X" formation, each side coming from brow to jawline.

5. Hold carcass over head and chant Satanic ritual.

6. Administer hair gel.

Note: step 6 is optional.

[ChangeofHeart]

where is the porn in this list?

[Reidar]

I use peanut butter.

where is the porn in this list?

Porn isn't manly. Go away and breed with something.

Remember, it takes a big man to cry, but a bigger man to laugh at that man. What a wuss.

Now I will share with you my secrets to getting girls. Let's say you see a girl you like at school. The first thing to do is to check and see if she has a boyfriend. You can tell by counting the number of growth rings that are visible when chopped open. Or maybe that was with trees. If not that, then check which direction the moss is growing in (it should face North).

Next, be direct. Once you've reached her, try saying, "GOOD AFTERNOON. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN GOING ON A DATE AND POTENTIALLY BEARING MY CHILDREN AND QUITTING YOUR JOB TO RAISE THEM?" It's also important to speak as loud as you can in order to signify what her attention needs to be directed at for the moment. If your volume isn't at that level, she may become distracted by other noises, like crowd sounds, nearby construction, etc.

Let's say she responds with, "Hey." You should correct her with, "HAY IS FOR HORSES", and then smack her on the back while throwing your head back in laughter at such witty banter. Girls like a good sense of humor. At this point, she'll probably fall in love with you, but don't give away your strategy.

Refrain from doing all the talking. That's rude. Do two-thirds of the talking. Keep a stopwatch on you to time yourself. Make sure you express the transitions with hand signals to cut her off when it's your turn.

There's plenty more, but I've already said them in other topics before, so you should have them memorized by now. If you haven't seen these tips yet, then you need to make up for lost time.