The Placement Options

[Jackaroe]

So... here's my attempt to write using lofty, archaic language. ^_^ BEWARE.

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The Placement

What could I tell thee
That would stun thy heart?
Thou wouldst remain unfazed
to any of my remarks.
T'would wax impartial
on my part, to try and impress
what is mine upon what thou art.
Thus, where does that leave me
in the hierarchy of thine eyes?
too low for the heavens,
too sinful for the skies.
Yet I, too pure for hell,
cannot house my blood in stone,
where, where wilt thou place me
in thy world so alone?
And no words can be said
To sway you to my side,
Harken, man, to whom I give my love.
In your arms I am denied,
and thus you shall be to heaven above.

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I'm pretty sure it sucks, but crit from other people would be helpful.

[rejakalu]

There's one place at the end where you used the word you.

But I really liked this. :]
I love archaic language. It makes me think of talking to dragons.
Even though I've no idea how to use the language.
That's hard to pull off.
I like the theme of it.
Good job.