The one Options

[olga63089]

Me and my current fiance have met in 9th grade when i was a freshmen and he wa sa grade above me. I just out of a relation ship ans we hit it off right away. He understood my beliefs and respected my wishes and really listened. I knew this guy is a keeper. Then i had to move which kind of put an end to things. Over the two years we kept in touch always maing plans to hang out spacially during summer, and then last year i moved back and desided to get a hold of him. Like i expected the feelings we had for each other were still there. We have been together now since aug. so it will be 7 month next week. There have been alot of ups and downs. The person i thought i knew 2 years ago was not the same and he got him self into bad association and did alot of drugs and sold weed. He kept all of that form me untill i got a call from a friend saying that he cheated on me while he was doing multiple amounts of drugs and alcohol. Since then i can truthfully say he has been clean and has no contact with his former life style. He sliped twice .We worked past it but i still feel like i cant always trust him. When he is out i worry about what he is doing and if he is telling the truth. I try to control my feelings but sometimes i cant help it. I know that gets him frustrated that i cant fully put the past behind us. On Jan.16 he proposed to me and i said yes, it was the happiest moment of my life . Then it seems like everything went down hill. My parents who are very religiouse ( jehovas witnesses) found out that we have been sexually active which is un exeptable before marrige. We are currently not allowed to see each other outside my house , which doesnt mean we havnt been. My parents have been preshuring me and him to get married sooner and harrassing him which is making him think if maybe we should wait longer then this summer. Suddenly he is saying he is young and never thought he would get married till he is 30. His parents got married young and had 2 kids before they did and now they are divorced so he was always brought up being told not to get married young. I feel hurt and lied to. I know i love him more then anything and i dont know why age matters if two people really love each other there will be no if its or buts. I dont know how to handdle this situation its too much all at once and my parents are not being much help. Its coming down to me not being able to eat home and pay for my own food. I could move out with my fiance but im afraid it would make things worse with my family and i wont be able to rely on them again. Also im afraid that my fiance will never make up his mind if i live with him without getting married, so he doesnt have to fully commit.
Please help!

[Just_Dream]

Thank you guys for all your help but in the end its my choice and i did sit down and have a talk with him and lately everything has been great. We really do love each other and just because we might get cold feet month before its supposed to happen does not mean its not meant to be its normal for everyone.

Yes of course it's your choice, but you seemed to be in a panic, asking people ON THE INTERWEBZ about what to do. It seems like you're doubting our advice (even though you said thank you). I just sense a hint of annoyance in your tone, that's all. Well, different people have different perspectives on how "love" and "marriage" is "meant to be" and what levels of it are deemed "normal."

You seemed really unsure of yourself in your original post, and mainly from the support/pressure from your family. It's a tough decision to get married and actually follow through with it, especially if you're still young. Yes you are still young. That does not mean that you cannot get married -- you can -- but it's still a tough decision, nonetheless.

Its coming down to me not being able to eat home and pay for my own food. I could move out with my fiance but im afraid it would make things worse with my family and i wont be able to rely on them again

First off you need to be independent. If you get married, do you expect your parents to still support you financially? At your age, if you can make your own decisions, you shouldn't be reliant on your family's support. And if your fiance is independent as well -- good for him. It's completely fine to keep in touch with your parents but don't rely on them to support you each step of the way if you want to run off and get married, especially in the state your parents are in.

You stated that you "did sit down and have a talk with him and lately everything has been great." That's great and all, but what about discussing this with your parents? How has that been going? Like I said, you should at least keep in touch with your parents. At least with their approval, if something goes wrong, you'll still have a bed to sleep in, especially since you're not independent. Plus hostility in the family is never really a good sign.

Do I have any right to pass judgment on you? Maybe. I've been dating my boyfriend since freshman year and I honestly LOVE HIM TO DEATH currently and I feel like he's "the one", but I know deep down there is some doubt that things could change, beyond my control. I can't stop time or prevent things from happening, so I can only hang on what I have in the present time. I don't plan to get married until either of us are financially stable and get approval from both sides of the family. He has never cheated on me and he has only done one extreme thing, but even then it's not as critical as what you've been through. But I can honest-to-buddha say that he is a keeper and I will still fight to keep what I have, with whatever I can. I don't give him the option of slipping because we trust each other enough and UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER enough to not slip up.


Anyway, if you do go through with this marriage, I wish you the best. You don't have to take my word for anything, but I know people who have struggled through marriage(s) and I definitely will follow my own advice because I don't want any bad shit to happen to my relationship.