No more girl topics Options

[Reidar]

Hello, noodle kegs. This is supposed to be the boys' locker room, so let's not waste this opportunity. Boys should be talking about manly things, like lava moats with fire-proof crocodiles. Girls aren't manly (although they wish they could be). To start things off, here's what I just ate for breakfast:

20 raw eggs
2 loaves of bread
1 bowl of Austrian brand steroids + 4 litres of milk
1 apple
1 buffalo head

Afterwards, it was a beautiful day, so I met up with a friend at the park to throw a frisbee around. I whipped it at him and it went right through his neck, severing his head from his shoulders. I looked down at the head and said with a straight face, "He'll never be the head of a major corporation."

That was a good start to the day, but when I came on here to talk with the guys afterwards, all the threads were on relationships, instead of normal topics, like the following list of manly things:

> Getting hit by meteorites and not even feeling it.
> Human organs in vending machines.
> Machine gun-mounted ostriches.
> Inanimate objects in place of limbs.
> Beef jerky in Tabasco sauce.
> Teddy Roosevelt.
> One-syllable words.
> Feathers.

How can a feather possibly be manly, you ask? That's an honest question, and I'll try to give it an honest answer. First of all, did I say it was a poison feather?

Some common misconceptions about things that people think are manly, but really aren't:

> Sex. Spawning is for amphibians.
> Pterodactyls. They're a waste of time.
> Brain parasites. You might think you have a good idea, but then it turns out that it's just eggs hatching.
> Daffodils. They can't get real jobs.
> Mandibles. They look stupid.

So there's something to get you started. No need to thank me, I'm here to help.

[Reidar]

Another misconception is that manly men shouldn't like kids. I'm great with kids. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

One time, I was posting messages on a forum when this noodle keg wouldn't believe my manly feats. So I went over to his house and stood at the foot of his bed. He awoke with a shocked look at the site of my amazing gruffness. I put his computer mouse in my mouth and shot it out like a bullet, piercing his baby flesh and pinning him to the wall. "Stick around," I said, unblinking. I then went over to his bed and started bench pressing it when I accidentally lifted it too hard and smashed it through his ceiling, which caused the roof to collapse. I stood up from the rubble and picked up two huge pieces of 200 lb. concrete slabs and started doing bicep curls with them. At that moment, the entire house gave way. I was stuck underneath everything except for my feet, which were sticking out. Then, my feet exploded.

Here's another manly man, Abraham Lincoln.