Boyfriend also loves another Options

[Ashley_Brook]

I'm 23 and have been dating my boyfriend (who's 24) for about 4 months now. Things have been going well and he claims he loves me and I make him happy. But yesterday, out of nowhere, he texts me and tells me that he wants to be honest with me about something, and that something is that he also has strong feelings for another girl. He said he wanted to tell me because he felt he needed to get it off his chest and he started asking me if I thought he should feel badly about loving two people at the same time. Then he asked me if I could relate and if I still had feelings for my ex boyfriend, which I do and I admitted that to him as well. I told him that I think it's possible to have feelings for two people at once (even though I'm not exactly sure if you can truly love both and be IN LOVE with both at the same time) and I said that I didn't think he shouldn't feel shameful about it AS LONG AS he didn't act on it. He told me that he never cheated on me and never ever would, but he doesn't understand why society doesn't believe you can't love two people at once. He told me that he wasn't trying to insinuate and persuade me of anything but just that he wanted to tell me, otherwise he would feel like he was hiding it.

Then I asked him if the only reason why he is with me is because he couldn't have her, and he responded that he could have her if he wanted, but he has me and wants to be with me, which is a good thing.

But it still bugs me. I'm not mad at him for feeling this way because I have felt it before too in my past. I do still have feelings for my ex, but I think it's a little different. And I told him you can't allow yourself to be torn between two people and hurt over it. I would hate for him to be torn up over her while being with me.

But I'm so glad that he told me something like that because I know that took a lot of guts and I love how he can be honest and upfront with me like that. I am still paranoid though that one of these days he might decide that he wants that other girl more and break up with me. Is that a rational feeling or am I just being insecure? What would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend told you something like that? I'm just not sure what to think or feel about it.

[DeadlyKitten]

ive learnd that if a guy has any other feelings for another girl while he's in a relationship, he's obviously insecure. i witnessed a guy leave a girl who he loved for another girl then after about 5 months...maybe 6...start to regret it. If he still has feelings for another girl, your relationship with him wont grow. Its like being chained to a wall and trying to move to another wall...its impossible. Until he's able to unlock himself from the past, your future with him wont exsist. i'd give it a little time and if he still has feelings for her, leave him. if he trully cares about you, he'll beg for you to come back, if not, he'll most likely go back to his x. If he still has feelings for her, maybe theres something he didnt finish with her that he'll have to in order to move on. Theres nothing wrong with saying yeah, i loved my x with all my heart and always will BUT you have to be 100% sure that your over him/her. My boyfriend admits that his x girlfriend will always have peice of his heart, but he'll never go back to her because he and she loved each other, but they werent in love. BELIEVE ME! there is a HUGE difference. when u love someone you can base that on a friendship, familly, a just a pure closeness level with someone. When your IN love with someone, its a completly different feeling. You love your mom, you cant be IN love with her, you love your friends, you cant be IN love with them. Find out where he stands and what happend between them and go on that. But when it comes to guys, never jump the gun, cause as much as they hate to admit to it...their very emotional.

[Ashley_Brook]

ive learnd that if a guy has any other feelings for another girl while he's in a relationship, he's obviously insecure. i witnessed a guy leave a girl who he loved for another girl then after about 5 months...maybe 6...start to regret it. If he still has feelings for another girl, your relationship with him wont grow. Its like being chained to a wall and trying to move to another wall...its impossible. Until he's able to unlock himself from the past, your future with him wont exsist. i'd give it a little time and if he still has feelings for her, leave him. if he trully cares about you, he'll beg for you to come back, if not, he'll most likely go back to his x. If he still has feelings for her, maybe theres something he didnt finish with her that he'll have to in order to move on. Theres nothing wrong with saying yeah, i loved my x with all my heart and always will BUT you have to be 100% sure that your over him/her. My boyfriend admits that his x girlfriend will always have peice of his heart, but he'll never go back to her because he and she loved each other, but they werent in love. BELIEVE ME! there is a HUGE difference. when u love someone you can base that on a friendship, familly, a just a pure closeness level with someone. When your IN love with someone, its a completly different feeling. You love your mom, you cant be IN love with her, you love your friends, you cant be IN love with them. Find out where he stands and what happend between them and go on that. But when it comes to guys, never jump the gun, cause as much as they hate to admit to it...their very emotional.

The other girl isn't his ex. I don't even know who she is, and kind of don't want to know because if I did, I'd be inclined to think about it so much more and stalk her lol. So I don't even know what his deal is with her, how long he's known her, when they talk, or anything like that. All I know is that he has feelings for another girl, who lives with this other dude.