thesis help., i need help with a US history thesis for a DBQ Options

[smashedcodes]

I have to do a DBQ (document based Question)

and I always have trouble with coming up with a thesis.
either I have no thesis or it isn't stated right.

I just wanted some input to see if I have a proper thesis and if not
some suggestions on how i can improve it.

The question is...

It was the strength of the opposition forces, both liberal and conservative, rather than the ineptitude and stubbornness of President Wilson that led to the Senate defeat of the Treaty of Versailles.

Using the documents and your knowledge of the period 1917-1921, assess the vailidity of this statement.

Ok and my thesis (or attempt at thesis) is..

Wilson's own stubborness and ineptitude led to the senate defeat of the Treaty of Versailles. Most of the senate just wanted to make some revisions to the treaty. Wilson's stubborness didn't allow the revisions to be made and the treaty went unsigned.

[Comptine]

The Treaty of Versailles is bullshit anyway. It had a major influence towards WWII. Wilson's original design for the treaty was to include an international union to prevent further global scale war. The rest of America didn't want to get involved with other countries anymore so they vetoed it. If the Senate followed Wilson's design, the League of Nations would've been much stronger and more secure.

By refusing to include Lodge's revisions to the Treaty of Versailles, Wilson's own stubbornness and ineptitude caused the Senate to defeat it.

That sentence is simple of enough. 'Ended up' is very conversational. Obviously, if the treaty was defeated, it wouldn't be signed. It's extraneous to include "and it ended up going unsigned". Iunno. That was the best I can revise it.