Relationships and the Military, Stationed Overseas Options

[fameONE]

I'm not the type to put my personal business out there too much. Granted, I am open about topics many of my peers shy away from, I keep what's going on in my personal life to myself. Lately, I've put my relationship into perspective. I can count the members of CB who know about my relationship, and its ups and downs, on one hand. For once, I'm going to actually open up.

I strongly do believe marriage can be successful while being in the military. Despite the often questionably pay, service members are compensated for the cost of living and dependents. With an added income from a spouse, a family can live comfortably in today's military. On the other hand, being somewhat traditional in many ways, a relationship spawned out of nowhere, between a service member at a temporary duty station, and a local, seems doomed for failure from the get go.

Living a lifestyle where I have to take on responsibilities that I wouldn't have even dreamed of 2 years ago, I feel as though my current profession is aging me. I'm to the point where I feel as though a relationship is absolutely pointless unless it shows the potential of marriage. And with that, I'm also not a big supporter of divorce. The drawback of this lifestyle is that its a lonely one. The constant deployments to third world countries, meeting new people on a weekly basis, not really being able to trust anyone on a personal level, and the separation from all that you know can weigh heavy on anyone's shoulders.

Its almost like I've "settled" for a relationship because of physical attraction emotional support. This isn't the first time it has happened. Which is leading me to believe that until I find "the one," if "the one," actually exists, I will constantly go in circles and trap myself in dead end relationships with women that don't live up to the character or integrity I'd expect out of a friend, let alone a wife. Is this a sacrifice I'm required to make as long as I wear this uniform?

[MissHygienic]

I'm a little wary of marriages while being in the military, because I've heard many, many stories of both wives and husbands taking every chance to cheat on one another once the man is off in another country. You shouldn't settle for just any girl to whom you're physically attracted; however, even though your outlook on your future is a little dim.

My boyfriend's in the military, and you sound just like him when he used to talk about the inability to make close friends or be in a relationship. We've been dating for two years, now, and his potential and past deployments have never affected anything. It was just, like, "oh, yeah, e-mail?" Because we trust each other; I only date people I can see myself marrying. I've had that mentality since I was 17. I would never sacrifice my standards/morals because I can't find anything better.

You'll be more miserable trying to emotionally stabilize your relationships that barely meet your standards than being alone. "Settling" in the name of desperation is a relationship killer, to me. You obviously need a person who is going to trust you and who you will trust. Judging from your first paragraph, you have issues opening up. However, this can't be an on-going trend. Communication is key, and opening yourself up to someone is the start of something you can hardly imagine you'd ever experience. (I speak from experience.) I hate talking about my issues and concerns, and so does my boyfriend. Basically, once you pair a secretive person with another secretive person, it creates massive build-up and tension; once we had let all of it out, it's seriously never felt better.

Distance does not make the heart fonder. It's a completely rough road that can tear you apart, but communication is key. Trust doesn't come before communication, and a good relationship cannot spawn without trust and an unrelenting love for one another. I'm guessing that once you find that person, you'll know, and there won't be any questioning.

I hope you do find this person, and I hope all goes well. You have my respect for being in this position.

EDIT: I also forgot to add. It will be worth your while to find someone who reflects your beliefs, thoughts, and goals. Someone who understands you will be someone similar to you. If you want genuine emotional support, and none of the, "I'll miss you, baby" thing, you will need someone who mirrors your dreams/aspirations in life. If you want to explore the world, but your girlfriend wants to be a stay-at-home mom, the conflicts likely won't settle out well.