Relationships and the Military, Stationed Overseas Options

[fameONE]

I'm not the type to put my personal business out there too much. Granted, I am open about topics many of my peers shy away from, I keep what's going on in my personal life to myself. Lately, I've put my relationship into perspective. I can count the members of CB who know about my relationship, and its ups and downs, on one hand. For once, I'm going to actually open up.

I strongly do believe marriage can be successful while being in the military. Despite the often questionably pay, service members are compensated for the cost of living and dependents. With an added income from a spouse, a family can live comfortably in today's military. On the other hand, being somewhat traditional in many ways, a relationship spawned out of nowhere, between a service member at a temporary duty station, and a local, seems doomed for failure from the get go.

Living a lifestyle where I have to take on responsibilities that I wouldn't have even dreamed of 2 years ago, I feel as though my current profession is aging me. I'm to the point where I feel as though a relationship is absolutely pointless unless it shows the potential of marriage. And with that, I'm also not a big supporter of divorce. The drawback of this lifestyle is that its a lonely one. The constant deployments to third world countries, meeting new people on a weekly basis, not really being able to trust anyone on a personal level, and the separation from all that you know can weigh heavy on anyone's shoulders.

Its almost like I've "settled" for a relationship because of physical attraction emotional support. This isn't the first time it has happened. Which is leading me to believe that until I find "the one," if "the one," actually exists, I will constantly go in circles and trap myself in dead end relationships with women that don't live up to the character or integrity I'd expect out of a friend, let alone a wife. Is this a sacrifice I'm required to make as long as I wear this uniform?

[DoubleJ]

I'm not the type to put my personal business out there too much. Granted, I am open about topics many of my peers shy away from, I keep what's going on in my personal life to myself. Lately, I've put my relationship into perspective. I can count the members of CB who know about my relationship, and its ups and downs, on one hand. For once, I'm going to actually open up.

I strongly do believe marriage can be successful while being in the military. Despite the often questionably pay, service members are compensated for the cost of living and dependents. With an added income from a spouse, a family can live comfortably in today's military. On the other hand, being somewhat traditional in many ways, a relationship spawned out of nowhere, between a service member at a temporary duty station, and a local, seems doomed for failure from the get go.

Living a lifestyle where I have to take on responsibilities that I wouldn't have even dreamed of 2 years ago, I feel as though my current profession is aging me. I'm to the point where I feel as though a relationship is absolutely pointless unless it shows the potential of marriage. And with that, I'm also not a big supporter of divorce. The drawback of this lifestyle is that its a lonely one. The constant deployments to third world countries, meeting new people on a weekly basis, not really being able to trust anyone on a personal level, and the separation from all that you know can weigh heavy on anyone's shoulders.

Its almost like I've "settled" for a relationship because of physical attraction emotional support. This isn't the first time it has happened. Which is leading me to believe that until I find "the one," if "the one," actually exists, I will constantly go in circles and trap myself in dead end relationships with women that don't live up to the character or integrity I'd expect out of a friend, let alone a wife. Is this a sacrifice I'm required to make as long as I wear this uniform?

First let me start off by saying, Black people are cool lol. Secondly, I think that it applies also to the fire department as well. With that being said, I don't think that you are "required" to do anything other than live your life for you. I realize that the military can age you, as my experiences with my process is aging me. It is very rare that you will be able to find somebody who can understand the sacrifices and the dedication that it takes to do what you do. Being at such a young age, I know how lonely it can get, and you want to have someone there with you every step of the way. My advice to you, if it makes any sense, is to just go with somebody who understands exactly what your life entails. Civilians may think that they understand what you have to do, but in reality, 90 percent of them have the slightest idea of what it is all about. They don't know about how you have to wake up at 5 in the morning to do pt and make sure your quarters are in tip top shape for inspection. They don't understand how if you f**k up at the chow hall, you lose your meal for the day. Being with somebody who understands you, is more important than anything, because they can relate, and you will have somebody to lean on during your times of stress and disarray. I don't really know if I am answering it the right way for you, but that is what I could give you for right now. Hopefully it helps.

[fameONE]

First let me start off by saying, Black people are cool lol. Secondly, I think that it applies also to the fire department as well. With that being said, I don't think that you are "required" to do anything other than live your life for you. I realize that the military can age you, as my experiences with my process is aging me. It is very rare that you will be able to find somebody who can understand the sacrifices and the dedication that it takes to do what you do. Being at such a young age, I know how lonely it can get, and you want to have someone there with you every step of the way. My advice to you, if it makes any sense, is to just go with somebody who understands exactly what your life entails. Civilians may think that they understand what you have to do, but in reality, 90 percent of them have the slightest idea of what it is all about. They don't know about how you have to wake up at 5 in the morning to do pt and make sure your quarters are in tip top shape for inspection. They don't understand how if you f**k up at the chow hall, you lose your meal for the day. Being with somebody who understands you, is more important than anything, because they can relate, and you will have somebody to lean on during your times of stress and disarray. I don't really know if I am answering it the right way for you, but that is what I could give you for right now. Hopefully it helps.

It did help. As this relationship comes to an end, I'll wait to get involved in another one until I've adjusted after my return from Iraq. Its going to take some serious time for me to get this part of my life in order. Its easy for me to set goals and handle nearly everything in my life systematically, but this shit is really f**king me up, but that goes without saying.

Thanks for the support, fam.