He lied but i forgave yet i cant forget it Options

[DeadlyKitten]

Ok...
so i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. its been rocky but something inside keeps saying its worth it. we dont have the best communication but i know its better then most. back in june i found out he lied to me about smoking pot after he promised me he wouldnt. then in september i found out he lied about wanting to be with another girl. still to this day he says he dont know why he did what he did and he was VERY stupid for doing it. he said he doesnt know why or what made him do it cause he knew it would hurt me.
but still i cry about it and always feel like he's lien to me. i want to forget about it so bad cause i know its keeping our relationship from growing but its so hard.

now i dont know how guys are when it comes to competition or what ever...but this girl happend to be the ex girlfriend of his cousin which use to be his bestfriend. he is now in a relationship that he regrets leaving his ex for. i feel that between me saying not to talk to her and him having a one up on his cousin he'd feel better about himself. like if he had his ex that that would make him jealous or what have you of him.

my other thought is that he is scared of commitment. like he doesnt want to become more in love with me in fears that this relatioship may end and the longer it goes the more painful itll be if it ends.

when it comes down to it...i want to be able to trust him again. i want to be able to watch a movie with a nude sex scene and feel comfortable that he's looking at another nude women. ever since he lied i feel like anything that has to do with another girl...just upsets me....or anything that has to do with pot....upsets me. can someone please help me. i dont want to give up on this relationship...at least not yet. i do love him...as a friend and as a boyfriend. i'm in love with him. i'm just scared i'll never be able to trust him again...and that in the end will kill both of us.