Is it wrong to make your best friend your boyfriend?, opinions&feedback welcome Options

[imperfectionistx]

I always was told that your significant other should BECOME your best friend.
So is it wrong to make your best friend into your boyfriend/girlfriend?
I just ended a 2 year relationship (that was full of problems) about 4 months ago.
Also, 4 months ago, I started a relationship with my best friend at the time.
He was always there for me when I was having problems with my bad relationship, and he was very compassionate and caring. He seemed like the kind of boy that I always wanted to be with. So I figured, what the heck, I'll try it with him (I found out he liked me). That was about the happiest we ever got.

From the first week or so, there were problems. It would be too extensive to go into detail, but there were PROBLEMS. The sweet, generous, and fun person I once knew was no more. He became possesive, paranoid, accusatory, and controlling, among other things. I guess you could attribute this to the fact that his relationship prior to ours lasted 5 years with a girl with no spine (not literally). She did EVERYTHING he wanted AND MORE for those 5 years, as he bossed her around and did not treat her very well. This was all very difficult for me to comprehend, as all I knew from what he told me was that he hated her and SHE made HIS life miserable. Now I found out that he feels guilty about the way he treated her and wants to try to be her friend (I think he still has feelings for her, I mean, 5 years is a mighty long time especially in critical years-- from when he was 12 until 18). I'd think that after living like that for so long, you're not gonna change for anyone after that. Sadly, being spoiled like that is the only way he knows how to live now.

But that's not the point. I'm disappointed in what happened. I don't know if it's my fault or not that we fell apart (he says it is). He blamed a lot of things on me and I assume it's only because I could not meet his expectations as the perfect girlfriend like the girl before me. He says he wishes he never met me, and I ruined his life. It's so hard for me because at one point, he WAS my best friend. He never judged me, was always there for me, defended me, gave me advice, and offered a shoulder to cry on. He told me he could make me happy. He promised me a lot of things, and I believed him. In the relationship I had before this one, I was just like his ex-- submissive and spineless. I got walked all over. He said he understood this and he would never treat me that way. But he did (he won't admit to it). And now, he doesn't want anything to do with me. He says he will find someone, I will be miserable and alone because of the way I am (I have learned not to be AS submissive as I once was, and he doesnt like this apparently; the fact that I won't bend over backwards to make him satisfied-- in ridiculous ways...but I need not elaborate), and he is going to assist in making my life a living hell-- this is coming from my one time "best friend".

So I'm wondering-- is this MY fault? Was I wrong to make him into more than just a friend? If anyone has had a similar situation: do you think that person could ever change? Or is it just better to try and forget about it? Should I have just bended to his will? Would you have done the same or different if a guy (or girl) --that was once your best friend-- treated you that way while you were with them? He might come back and say he's sorry-- he does that a lot (but it isn't the same for me, like the things he does that bother me-- I cannot get mad at him for it. But if I do the SAME thing, HE gets very upset with me). Should I take him back?

I'm very hurt & still hung up over everything. It's so hard to comprehend how something that seemed so promising could end up this way. I figured I could seek advice from here because unfortunately I am not close to any of my friends anymore because my newly "ex boyfriend" prevented me from being with them (or anyone else including my family for that matter) on account of "I might cheat on him." Any feedback will be appreciated.

xx

[SimplicityGirl]

I don't think he's treating you right. Get out of the relationship before it gets too serious--from what you've described (him being controlling and whatnot), he sounds like the type of guy that could and would get violent and aggressive towards a girlfriend. It's not your fault--it's HIS problem, not yours.

And no, I don't think it has anything to do with the fact you guys were best friend before you took it to a new level. My boyfriend was a VERY close friend (arguably, a best friend) of mine before we became a couple. We've been together for a over a year now, and he's treating me right--he's still as sweet and as caring as he was before we went out. So no, dating a friend doesn't constitute into a sudden change in behaviour. Remember, its HIM, not you that has a problem.