How to deal with my boyfriend going to a strip club, Help...! Options

[arianith]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for several months now. We're both in college. He recently told me that he went to a strip club for a friend's birthday this summer (before we started going out). For some reason though, this REALLY bothers me, even thought it was before we started dating.

For one thing I guess it made me feel really insecure about my body.. I mean.. if he's been around a bunch of beautiful naked women (it was a really famous strip club) why would he want me? I'm afraid of being constantly compared with them, even though I know I'm not bad looking. He even got a naked lap dance (in his words: "she had her shoes on"). And in that particular club I know you're allowed to touch (I don't know if he did and I'm afraid to ask). He even told me she took his shirt off and kissed him (sounding pretty pleased about it too). I don't know what to think and I KNOW I shouldn't be this bothered by it, it was before we started going out!! But for some reason I can't stop thinking about it.

I know pretty much all men go at one point and all that but this just won't go away. I keep thinking of him surrounded by naked women and I just get this sick feeling in my stomach. I have tried talking with him about it but it just led to a fight since he (rightly) sees nothing wrong with it. After all, we weren't even dating at the time.

Help!! How do I deal?? (please nothing like "just get over it" I've tried that) How should I think about this to make it bother me less?

[RyanWasHere]

Personally...I'm just wondering why he even felt it necessary to tell you about this event? I mean I don't tell someone I'm with about my past girlfriends or sexual encounters or any of that shit...and I don't want to hear about hers, the past is the past...this guy sounds like a f**king idiot...and I forget who replied first but there right, if he wanted to be with someone else, who wouldn't be with you, don't worry about it, I would tell his dumb ass not to bring up any more "events" such as this in the future, he seems to be telling you these things in a cocky kind of way...like the way he would tell on of his buddies, and that's not acceptable...it only causes jealousy and problems, some things are just better left unsaid and in the past.

[MissHygienic]

Personally...I'm just wondering why he even felt it necessary to tell you about this event? I mean I don't tell someone I'm with about my past girlfriends or sexual encounters or any of that shit...and I don't want to hear about hers, the past is the past...this guy sounds like a f**king idiot...and I forget who replied first but there right, if he wanted to be with someone else, who wouldn't be with you, don't worry about it, I would tell his dumb ass not to bring up any more "events" such as this in the future, he seems to be telling you these things in a cocky kind of way...like the way he would tell on of his buddies, and that's not acceptable...it only causes jealousy and problems, some things are just better left unsaid and in the past.

Oh, yeah, that's really smart advice. Encourage people to never tell their partner anything about their past relationships. That's just asking for a partner to get suspicious in the case something "strange" in the future happens. He/she will think that you're hiding something from him/her. People learn from their past, and maybe talking about it will help them "grow."

I personally think that it's beneficial for a boy or a girl to communicate these things with their current partner because what is a good relationship if you can't be open about these things? It is her responsibility to trust her partner and not get overly paranoid about these things. Trust and communication are the number two most important things to a good relationship.

I'm not saying you should pour your little soul out about all of your past girl/boyfriends, but things like this? "I did go to a strip club once for a friend's party. . ." She should be made aware of this because at least she's not deluded into thinking he's the perfect, nice guy who never goes to strip clubs or have sex or anything.