Uronacid, A Fraud!!!!!!!!! Options

[bat19]

There are those of you who think you know Uronacid, a.k.a. Josh, a.k.a. Mr. Chuckles. But do you? Do you really?

On the morning of April 31, 1986, a child was born to one Margaret and John Kanutsin. They feared the child offhand for on his back was a detailed marking of their home and where all the gas mains were, with little pictures of flames next to them. So they decided at once to move away. Most people put in this position would have abandoned the child, or sold him to ivory-merchants. But the Kanutsins were growing old and the prospect of another childbirth seemed daunting and very possibly dangerous. So they tried, as any first time parents do, to raise their child without regret. If only they knew, if only.

Early on, the child showed signs of innormalcy. The child required homemade clothing made out of a special material known as Dermacite, regular cotton would rot at the touch of his skin and fall off into rags. While his mother sewed the dermacite into clothing suitable for his rare condition, he would covertly stick his hand underneath the fabric and watch as his mother unknowingly sewn his flesh into his clothes.

Then came the fire. It is not clear what exactly started the fire, only that it took the lives of the Kanutsins. When the firefighters arrived on the scene, they found the boy sitting unharmed in an area torn apart from the blaze. When the rescuers picked him up, they noticed the area where he sat was undamaged in any way.

He was brought into the custody of the state and sent to an orphanage. This would be the stage for the Great Orphan Disappearance of 1992, an event that if you are not aware of, your parents most likely would be. The caretaker of the home said in her statement that she left the room filled with fourty children in various acts of play, and returned only moments later to find one child alone, laughing maniacly. There was no evidence of foul play, all the windows were shut and too high for all the children to escape from. To this day, there is no evidence that exists that would logically explain where the children went. When asked about their whereabouts, the boy simply said "My stomach hurts, I ate too much." The horrified caretaker swears the boy had not been fed since the night before.

Fearing what would happen to the boy, the state decided to change his name to Josh. He was transferred to a waiting facility, left in close confinement away from people. After a switch in public office, the new mayor found this action barbaric and took the boy into his own home.

The only one's to survive were his older daughter and their dog. Among the deceased was the daughter's boyfriend who was in the families hot tub when a stereo was pushed in. The wife who's body was found in the kitchen, next to a microwave with the front screen broken and many boxes of popcorn kernels. An autopsy showed the body had suffered from an incredible injestion of popcorn which ruptured the stomach cavity. The youngest daughter, who was found lying face down in the pool and below her, her favorite doll tied to a brick. The mayor was found in the basement, having apparently been beaten to death with packages of frozen vegetables.

Eventually the boy, now known as Josh, was able to calm his bloodlust in a public setting, but wherever he goes, bodies show up mysteriously and without explanation. Beware this man. If you ever happen to see him, run to your nearest church and pray that God will show mercy on you. Beware.

[bat19]

Following the grisly murders of the 2,000+ people in Regents Park London England yesterday, authorities were able to uncover a cassete tape on what they believe to be the body of American journalist William Lancaster, as stated in the tape itself. No positive identification of the body is possible however, without further tests. Because of the multitudes of victims, forensic laboratories in the U.K. will be unable to process all the samples alone. Reports indicate that as many as 560 blood and tissue samples are on their way to American laboratories to undergo identification tests.

The following is the tape of William Lancaster, only moments before his death. If there are those reading who are squimish, please do not read any further.

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My name is William Lancaster. I have a wife named Linda and three beautiful children, Tom, Anna, and Joseph. This message is for them, whom I shall never see again. If you are listening to this, I want you to turn it off. I don't want your last thoughts of me to be my death. Just know that I love you with all my heart and will see you all in heaven. Stay strong, and above all, stay together. Keep eachother strong...for me.<sobbing>

...I...umm...<cough>I am live in Regents Park, Westminster, London, and I am sad to say I will not last much longer. I am being held upon some sort of mechanism with hundreds of other people. Men, women, and children of all ages and races. From what I am able to make out, all of us have been strapped into this machine by some kind of metal plates around our torso and feet. Mobility is at a minimum.

(screams can be heard in the background) "Oh god...oh god help us..."

I cannot clearly see what is happening. Ash and thick smoke fill the air making it very hard for me to see, or breath. From what I can make out, there are at least a hundred or more people strapped to each mechanism,disk-like in shape, each of us set in a spiral pattern towards the center.<coughs> We have been here for hours. All that can be heard are cries and screams and moans of agony. I have given up the hope of any kind of rescue...

(minutes go by of dead air)

Why is he doing this? What kind of a monster....is he the devil? Is he the anti-christ, signaling the end of days? Oh god...oh god...<cries>

(A loud whirring sound can be heard. It is at this point that the tape is no longer audible. Technical specialists were able to piece together some of what was said through sound enhancement)

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

OH GODDDD!!!!!!!!!! HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE BLADES!! WE'RE BEING SUCKED INTO BLADES!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD!! THE SKY IS RED!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

JESUS, FORGIVE .........

<laughter>

The laughter that can be heard at the end of the tape is belived to be that of the man called Uronacid, a.k.a. Kenny Blackfoot, a.k.a. Cannon Coyote. When British authorities arrived at the scene, no machinery was found, but piles of body parts all mutilated beyond recognition were located in the center of the park, next to a billboard that read "Jesus Saves."