Bullshit Stories, What's Happened to You? Options

[bat19]

You ever hear someone telling a story that you just know is made-up bullshit? Well now it's your turn. Make up a bullshit story, even if some parts are true. Exaggerate your asses off.

Me and my buddy Alex were riding our bikes to my house from his when we saw this big 18 wheeler dropping off a van in a lot filled with junked cars, some crushed and flattened. It then preceded to back into the van, Im guessing for our amusement and then drove off. So me and Alex take some bricks and smash out the windows, thinking its a junker. Not a minute goes by that the same truck drives up again and matter-of-factly asks us if we broke the windows. We say no and he says "Well guess what you little f**ker, Im calling the cops. So we say f**k you and ride off. Cop comes and this overweight a-hole comes over and asks us some questions. The thing you gotta realize about my buddy alex is that he's f**kin crazy. We used to jump off bridges into water, this f**k would dive head first without even testing how deep the water was. He'd jump onto moving trains, the kids crazy. So while Im talking to the cop, answering some questions, he moves behind him and grabs the cops tazer gun from his belt. He shoots the f**kin cop with his own tazer gun in the arm before he could fully turn around and we both run for it. We get to my house and he's laughing while Im panicking. I punch him in the jaw and we wrestle on the ground for a few minutes before we're both exhausted. We waited a few days and decided we had gotten away with it. This was a few years ago and Ive never done anything since that would possibly warrant a cops attention. Its safe to say I am terrified of all cops now, as I should be. Alex unfortunately was shot and killed during a stick up at a convenience store. Closed casket, it was horrible.

[bat19]

Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this story, "The Tale of the 10 Hour Hangover."

Me, Jake, Josh, his friend Kelly, and a few other people we knew go to this decently sized house party where everyone is already drunk or high by the time we get there. I don't really like going to a party and being sober, so I hit the beers. After about 5 beers, I hit the bottle. A nice tall bottle of Jamaican Rum, burns the stomach quite nicely. After a few shots of that, I say f**k it and drink straight from the bottle. Ive been at the house half an hour and am already smashed. I then do a few shots of vodka with my buddy Jake who is trying to make me laugh. It works and vodka shoots straight up my nose. Now vodka burns going down the throat, you can imagine what it felt like going up the nose. I punch Jake in the arm(I think) but he swings his head back, making onlookers think I punched him in the face. So a few guys come to grab hold of me, but by this time Im gone. Im swingin and bitin and clawin at people. I take a knife and throw it at a girl which I thought actually worked. It doesnt. Knife throwing takes a little skill and it doesnt help that you're drunk off your ass and people are fighting you. By this time, Ive got 5 people on me, trying their best to stop me. But the devil water is a strange beast, and I found new strength Ive never had before or since. I take one guy who was easily a foot taller than me and I throw him through a screen door. Then I grab Josh from the shirt and toss him into the bushes. By this time, people stopped trying to stop me and started running away from me. I grab the closest girl by the neck and knock her unconcious, then carry her out to a car that was parked in the garage. Im driving down a heavily populated city street doing about 80 with a drunk unconcious girl in the passenger seat and Im not even looking at the road. When I do look up, I notice a Burger King. So I crash into the doors and park in front of the counter. The black girl behind the counter just looks at us like nothing had happened. Other people in the store start screaming. Eventually the cops arrested but were unable to prosecute due to an unfair bias in the courtroom. Apparently the prosecuting attorney was having an affair with the judge. Long story short, mine and a dozen other cases were thrown out and I am a free man. I love the judicial system.