Bullshit Stories, What's Happened to You? Options

[bat19]

You ever hear someone telling a story that you just know is made-up bullshit? Well now it's your turn. Make up a bullshit story, even if some parts are true. Exaggerate your asses off.

Me and my buddy Alex were riding our bikes to my house from his when we saw this big 18 wheeler dropping off a van in a lot filled with junked cars, some crushed and flattened. It then preceded to back into the van, Im guessing for our amusement and then drove off. So me and Alex take some bricks and smash out the windows, thinking its a junker. Not a minute goes by that the same truck drives up again and matter-of-factly asks us if we broke the windows. We say no and he says "Well guess what you little f**ker, Im calling the cops. So we say f**k you and ride off. Cop comes and this overweight a-hole comes over and asks us some questions. The thing you gotta realize about my buddy alex is that he's f**kin crazy. We used to jump off bridges into water, this f**k would dive head first without even testing how deep the water was. He'd jump onto moving trains, the kids crazy. So while Im talking to the cop, answering some questions, he moves behind him and grabs the cops tazer gun from his belt. He shoots the f**kin cop with his own tazer gun in the arm before he could fully turn around and we both run for it. We get to my house and he's laughing while Im panicking. I punch him in the jaw and we wrestle on the ground for a few minutes before we're both exhausted. We waited a few days and decided we had gotten away with it. This was a few years ago and Ive never done anything since that would possibly warrant a cops attention. Its safe to say I am terrified of all cops now, as I should be. Alex unfortunately was shot and killed during a stick up at a convenience store. Closed casket, it was horrible.

[*Uronacid*]

Well, this one time me, Alex, Jeremy, and Jake went to a concert. We were all drunk before we got to the show, because we were drinking and driving all the way there. It was about 9PM in October, and we were going to a reggae where everyone was going to dress up.

I decided to wear my favorite Tiki mask, Jeremy decided to dress as an elderly man, Jake dressed as Alice Cooper, and Alex pretended he wasn't there. We were going crazy. It was so awesome, the flashing lights, and booming bass sounds were all going to my drunken head. All of the sudden I was dancing. I was going absolutely insane, people were cheering me on, and the band started to play louder. People loved it. Jeremy threw me his top hat and cane, and I now become a dancing tribesman with a top hat and cane.

Jake was to drunk, he could barely even stand. He was awkwardly bobbing his head up and down. He looked like he was having a mild seizure on the dance floor. It was still so cool though, he had the look of Alice Cooper and moves of a paraplegic who had just found out he could walk.

I flew down on the floor and started flailing my arms and legs all over the place, and then I jumped on stage and went crazy right in front of the band. Wow, I felt like I was on top of the world. It was so cool, but I was starting to get thirsty. "God, I'm thirsty!!" ,I yelled. A man immediately handed me a drink. "Wow, thanks" ,I shouted over the deafening sounds of base guitar and drums.

I downed the drink in a flash, and headed back to the dance floor. I started doing DDR heavy mode moves from song "Aa". It had been two years since I had been gay enough to obsess over that game, and I could still remember those awesome beats. These people were to drunk to realize I was doing DDR. This was the one and only time that DDR actually worked in a real dance, and made me look cool. If I didn't know better, it was the only time in history that it made anyone look cool when they actually danced to DDR without playing the game (shadow dancing is for queers, fuck you noobies). Also, I tend to think that the only reason it looked cool was because the 50-60 people standing around me were so drunk that they couldn't do much more than stand and bob their head.

Then we all got in the car, and drove home drunk. The ride home was scary, it was even more thrilling than the concert. There were so many little kids crossing the street that night at two AM. What were their parents thinking? Did they want their kids to die? I tried doing these people a favor by running over all their children (I have come to find out that I was actually running over dogs and other animals. I was just to drunk to realize it.)

We finally arrive at the house, and Alex is trying to pet his cat. He was extremely drunk. So instead of petting it, he just keeps bobbing back and forth and holding his hand out in front of the cat. Then the cat just bites him out of no where! So, we have to punish the cat. We poked holes in a pillow case so we could thread a rope through them. Then we put the cat inside and threaded the rope through the holes. We hanged the cat off the garage, and took turns shooting at it with the paint ball gun. It was fun, because every time we hit the cat we could hear it meow.

Then we through the cat and the pillow case into the pool (to clean the pillow case and the cat), and pulled the cat out. It was finished, the cat had been punished and we let him go.