Bullshit Stories, What's Happened to You? Options

[bat19]

You ever hear someone telling a story that you just know is made-up bullshit? Well now it's your turn. Make up a bullshit story, even if some parts are true. Exaggerate your asses off.

Me and my buddy Alex were riding our bikes to my house from his when we saw this big 18 wheeler dropping off a van in a lot filled with junked cars, some crushed and flattened. It then preceded to back into the van, Im guessing for our amusement and then drove off. So me and Alex take some bricks and smash out the windows, thinking its a junker. Not a minute goes by that the same truck drives up again and matter-of-factly asks us if we broke the windows. We say no and he says "Well guess what you little f**ker, Im calling the cops. So we say f**k you and ride off. Cop comes and this overweight a-hole comes over and asks us some questions. The thing you gotta realize about my buddy alex is that he's f**kin crazy. We used to jump off bridges into water, this f**k would dive head first without even testing how deep the water was. He'd jump onto moving trains, the kids crazy. So while Im talking to the cop, answering some questions, he moves behind him and grabs the cops tazer gun from his belt. He shoots the f**kin cop with his own tazer gun in the arm before he could fully turn around and we both run for it. We get to my house and he's laughing while Im panicking. I punch him in the jaw and we wrestle on the ground for a few minutes before we're both exhausted. We waited a few days and decided we had gotten away with it. This was a few years ago and Ive never done anything since that would possibly warrant a cops attention. Its safe to say I am terrified of all cops now, as I should be. Alex unfortunately was shot and killed during a stick up at a convenience store. Closed casket, it was horrible.

[salcha4u]

So the other day my friends and I decide to go out that night and a majority of us are signed up for a fake ID so we can do whatever we want cause we are good kids. We were supposed to go places in my friend's car but oh snap, she loses her keys and a raccoon got inside her car (she lives in the hills) then after that we see a bobcat so we are running for our lives right, but it's not like anyone can outrun a bobcat except for a select few so of course some were...left behind :( We mourn over their deaths with cases of liquor and when we were drunk enough, we decide to continue on our journey. We continue running to Africa where we meet Allah and he gives us free camel rides to the world of nothingness where we do nothing. Then we meet the toothbrush man and we get free samples of floss, but we didn't need floss yet cause it was only 5AM so we beat him up and sent him in a box all the way to China cause Chinese people eat everything. Then we decided that we were bored of Africa so we set foot over to Europe. Yet on the trip some of my friends were eaten up by piranhas, leaving me as the only one to continue on the lone journey of absolutely no point at all. The moment I arrived in Europe, I was greeted with pancakes and a nice warm bed. I then demanded to be the queen of England and so I was. Europe was boring cause I got sick of bossing people around and making them stay on snail diet because I am an evil person, so I decided to watch grass grow all the way in Australia with my 400/25 eye vision. I didn't get surgery for it cause I was just born like that. I decided to take a visit to China and then swam over in a time span of 1 second to New York where I got to redesign Times Square and climb the Empire state building. I loved the view until I decided that it was time for me to learn to fly, so I jumped off the Empire State building and flew back to Asia where I visited Christine Bark in Korea and dumped a bucket of kimchi on her head. She couldn't reach me though, cause I was able to fly and she couldn't so haha! I decided that Asia was boring so I flew back to California where I first decided to relive my childhood dream and win every single game at Reno's Circus Circus even though all the little children cried but I don't care cause I am the greatest. After this achievement, I decided to go to LA to steal some $$$ from Eddie not because I was poor, but because he has to be more humble and having less money will help him. But I am a good person so I donated the money to the children I stole the Circus Circus stuffed animals from. So then I am in Morocco painting someone’s portrait right…and then OH NO it comes alive and I accidentally stab their eye with my paintbrush! I hurriedly try to pour some white paint all over the painting so it will go back to being lifeless but nooooo it steps out of the canvas and comes running after me. So I am running for my life (again?) and I remember that I have super power magic flying skills! I fly through the air, lose the crazy nonhuman and meet the tooth fairy. I asked her why I never got mah monayyyy for all the teeth I had worked so hard to pull out and she tried to run away but I grabbed her by her wings and stole her nonexistent pouch of change. I used it to buy an ipod out of one of those cool ipod vending machines cause I was bored and listened to some BSB cause they are the best. I remember that I am still in the clouds so I go back down to earth where I land on the back of a giant turtle. It takes me across the pacific ocean where I conquer giant waves through blood, sweat, and tears…and I end up at Hawaii (hahahaha nice geography huh?). But there I find out that I’m not that special after all cause EVERYONE had giant floating turtles that take them places so I was like ): and asked for a panda instead cause they are cuter. So I am in the jungle riding on the back of my panda and it suddenly gets these crazy growth hormones where his back expands enough for me to completely lie down on it like a comfortable bed…except that the panda’s back is softer than a feather bed (; so we cross the jungle and finally arrive at a desert and I suddenly want to go swimming so I take out my water bottle out of nowhere and start pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and pouring and then suddenly I created a new ocean. Except that my ocean isn’t all muddy and icky, it has the clear waters like in the movies and paradise pictures! Then I was tired even though I had no jet lag cause I am superrrrr so I flew back to the Bay Area to where I am now to tell you my amazing story.

I can do this for a whole day.