Raining on Buildings |
 Jul 28 2007, 01:42 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 164 Joined: Oct 2006 Member No: 470,731  |
Has the air gotten warmer
Maybe I’m just choking And you can’t stay a minute By my side If the pressure is building I must be rising I can see you through construction Constructing me constructing you Well there were moments I believed Hoped you could read my mind Cause everything inside me held you Closer I thought if I broke these walls With smiles the windows fell Kept true to themselves and locked me out Away from you Has there been a misconception in the blueprints And I’m imprinting you in me Oh the clouds couldn’t resist the pressure Pouring down in support Clap everybody my thunder My breaking point near tonight Under damp weather I saw you Closer I thought if I broke these walls With smiles the windows fell Kept true to themselves and locked me out Away from you And I hoped that you could read my mind So you’d know to turn around to see me in time I’m holding up I’m feeling light With me it’s never right but I saw you * I apologize for the last post which consisted of "[". I've been going through some crap and erased everything I wrote due to it. But thanks guys, for understanding. |
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Aug 6 2007, 02:40 AM
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#2
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 Want fries with that? Group: Member Posts: 692 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 50,652 |
The ending felt a little abrupt to me.
It didn't seem as great as the beginning, but overall I really liked it. Good job! |
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Posts in this topic
nikkola Raining on Buildings Jul 28 2007, 01:42 PM
RogueVanity Wow. That's really well written Aug 6 2007, 02:35 AM
Dreamers Agreed with the others. ^_^
Nice poem, very niiii... Aug 11 2007, 07:31 PM |
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