Losing the will to live Options

[IfICouldEscape]

Basically got no friends, no girlfriend, the one I want I can't have, I can't get over, someone spread a rumour about me, not true, feel like shit, I bottle it in my room every day, noone I feel like I want to turn to despite my parents being fine and that, don't socialise, depressed.

How do people make friends lol? All the people at my school I just don't like, or they don't like me, I have developed social anxiety, basically I fear talking to people now, never know what to say, feel as if I'm being judged, I can't break the ice, it takes me agessssssssss to get to know someone properly to the point where when I walk by them I can stop and talk and not just walk by either ignoring them or just nodding my head. I haven't been able to get to that point apart from 1 person who I hold to my heart as a real close friend. I never know how to take a friendship further after the first meeting or two, with me it just seems like they become nodding pals after a while and I'm just thinking what am I doing wrong excluding the rumour but in different environments. I start to think I'm just such a boring person when they meet me. I find that there's nothing for me to see someone for after the first meeting point or 2/3 etc. I feel like a stranger to them and don't seem to build and connections. Sometimes I just talk to them for the sake of not looking like a loner but really I'm just bored of them and vice versa most likely. I'm starting to feel anxiety when I talk to people I hardly ever do or when meeting people for the first time. That way I find it more comfortable to just avoid talking to people all together, I even avoid talking to anyone really, at least I feel calmer. I seriously don't know what to say to break the ice, it really affects me. Any suggestions, thanks in advance.

[IfICouldEscape]

Hmm I'm a bit confused lol. It's almost like my problems THAT I HAVE STATED are almost deemed to be unworthy of a post, that like someone mentioned people don't really care, not that I'm offended but it's like what's the overall existence of this forum then!!?? It just came across a bit strange.

I just want to say I'm not near killing myself, it was slightly humourous in a non funny way if that makes sense. One thing that does seem to crop up is almost the attitude of if you're depressed your an EMO. Get real, how sad are you lot if you start, well I need not say more just silly.

The reason why I feel sorry for myself, is because I am stuck in a rut that I cannot explain anywhere else but PM. Thanks for the comments though, gives me some food for thought.