Losing the will to live Options

[IfICouldEscape]

Basically got no friends, no girlfriend, the one I want I can't have, I can't get over, someone spread a rumour about me, not true, feel like shit, I bottle it in my room every day, noone I feel like I want to turn to despite my parents being fine and that, don't socialise, depressed.

How do people make friends lol? All the people at my school I just don't like, or they don't like me, I have developed social anxiety, basically I fear talking to people now, never know what to say, feel as if I'm being judged, I can't break the ice, it takes me agessssssssss to get to know someone properly to the point where when I walk by them I can stop and talk and not just walk by either ignoring them or just nodding my head. I haven't been able to get to that point apart from 1 person who I hold to my heart as a real close friend. I never know how to take a friendship further after the first meeting or two, with me it just seems like they become nodding pals after a while and I'm just thinking what am I doing wrong excluding the rumour but in different environments. I start to think I'm just such a boring person when they meet me. I find that there's nothing for me to see someone for after the first meeting point or 2/3 etc. I feel like a stranger to them and don't seem to build and connections. Sometimes I just talk to them for the sake of not looking like a loner but really I'm just bored of them and vice versa most likely. I'm starting to feel anxiety when I talk to people I hardly ever do or when meeting people for the first time. That way I find it more comfortable to just avoid talking to people all together, I even avoid talking to anyone really, at least I feel calmer. I seriously don't know what to say to break the ice, it really affects me. Any suggestions, thanks in advance.

[*superstitious*]

Wow, I can't believe you guys can't have a discussion without belittling or name calling. I must be the most naive person over 30 here (well, I'm in an age bracket minority here regardless, but I regress).

I've been referred to as someone with "social anxiety disorder" for a very long time, well over 15 years. I get panic attacks, the shakes, I get sick to my stomach, you name it. I refuse to take any type of medication though. I can tell the story of my son (who has autism) and how many wanted (and pretty much intimidated me for a short while into doing so) him on medication (I took him off quickly, to say the least). That's a whole other discussion though with the punchline being that I am emphatically against psychotropic medications.

My point is that I understand what you are going through.

Some really sound advice has been given in this thread. The ones of particular interest (in my opinion) are finding like-minded individuals and meditation. I would start out with the second. If you can somehow find a way to find a calm within yourself, you will be in a better position to find kindreds, find those who you may be able to feel comfortable enough sharing your time with. I believe that it is next to impossible to feel peace until one has found peace within one's self first. There is no definitive or one magical all purpose way to do so, that's the catch. Each individual is unique and each pain, each element of loneliness can be exclusive, leading up to a general and at times overwhelming feeling of discontent and disharmony.

Try to not judge others or yourself and accept things for what they are and people for who they are, including yourself. If there are certain scenes you do not care for, stay clear of them and find what it is you do care for.

Breaking the ice is, by far, not a talent of mine. The people I know and are still close with are those that do not require much effort to talk to. Most of them are similar to me, in that they enjoy comic books, online gaming, writing, music and art (I can't draw or paint but I have a strong appreciation for both). Because of that, there is no obligatory ice breaking, we just are who we are and talk and laugh naturally.